Miara

So I’m in college, and getting a degree in business. I figure that is the most versatile degree I can get. Always joked and said I want to be “Kimora”, and I want to be the boss. Which is true, but is that what I really want? I really want a job that involves animals, but how do i get that. I just don’t know. I swear I think I have to be the most lost and confused person on Earth. I don’t seem to know anything about myself, or what I want or want to be. I don’t know how to figure anything out, and it’s pretty damn scary really.

There are so many things I would love to get out and do, but I don’t. Why you ask? Because I have an overwhelming fear of going and doing things alone. I am so self conscious, and I hate the idea of people staring at me. I feel so uncomfortable doing things alone. I did go shopping by myself the other day….that was an improvement. This goal kind of fits in with my self discovery goals, I guess you could say. I have to learn to start thinking about myself and what I want, and stop worrying about what “other people think.”

When I got divorced in September, many realities set in. One of them was I had “lots of friends”, but very few “real friends.” Most of my friends are married, or live too far away, or their schedules conflict with mine. It makes it really hard to get out and do anything. I’m free to do whatever I want, and I’m too scared to do things alone. So I sit here, and wonder how do you meet new people. How do you meet people like you, and meet people who you can go and do things with. I have a few friends I can go out with from time to time, but everyone is so busy it’s hard when you have so few friends. I realized after my divorce my worthless overbearing ex had caused me to lose many of my old friends, and now I have to find new ones, and maybe even try to get re-acquainted with old ones. It is definitely not an easy task, and I hope I am able to figure out how to meet new people. These should be the best days of my life, not the most confusing and lonely ones.