This one is from today…
I’m in my work clothes, a black hoddie and grey work pants.
I’m in the companies car looking out of the side window, i don’t know if there is someone on the drivers seat, i’m talking to someone but i don’t know who.
Right next to a silo (where i have worked on before in real life) there is a green plane, like those old small planes from ww 2 or when a field has to be given nutrision, i have never seen that kind of plane before. Behind the plane the is a trailer, the trailer is adjusted on the plane, the trailer is also that lightties green color.
I’m talking to then person next to me, which i don’t ever look at, we are talking about how the plane can fly with the trailer behind. So i’m saying “well it’s build to fly with it”. so after finishing that sentense i close the door and begin to walk over to the plane.
Surdenly i’m at the plane with no memory of walking over to it.
i grab the plane by one of it’s wings and start to push it forward and then i turn it right, cuz the ocean is right next to the silo. i’m storping the plane in a line paralel to the silo.
Then the plane surdenly starts to move, as it’s moving, i’m pushing it forward, thinking that it will fly.
i look down while pushing the plane, i look up and there is no plane but a giant truck, so ‘m like shit. the truck is the same lightties color as the plane was.
the trailer is gone as well.
i try to run on the side of the truck to stop it before it goes into the ocean. To my surprise there are 3 trucks connected to one in the front. So i run and run but i can’t get to the first one since it’s going to fast, so i jump infront o the second one and then i grab the back of the first one and i begin to pull in it but nothing happens. So then i turn to the second one and then i use my back to try to stop it, it’s working a bit. I take a peak out to see how far i’m from the ocean, i’ relly close, so i jump out and then somehow managed to get infront of the first one, i grab it by it’s side and i try to pull it back but it’s too late, i move back and i go back to the last one and desperatly try to pull it all up, but it goes into the ocean anyways so after he last one went out of my hands i just watch the trucks fall into the ocean, i look back and the silo is in my left and the ocean is ony right and the road that the trucks went is like a Airport runway.
I wake up and i’m writting this right after…
Srry if it’s spelled wrong and it can sound weird..
Wrote it all on my phone so it hasn’t corrected all the errors and I’m too lazy to do anything about it..
I haven’t felt anything in like 3-4 years now..
I’m changing to something i want to become, but i still can’t feel anything.
The mask holds itself, when I’m around others, but i just can’t see the point of this, if i can’t feel anything.
Oh yeah, haven’t written anything in a long while, so i kinda need to refind my writing. ”_”
srry for all the “anything”..
Okey it’s been a while since the last time i wrote on my book, well over 2 mounths, so i have taken monday off so i get some time to write atleast just a little.
Just got over 6000+ songs from my sisters boyfriend, so now i am currently deleting doubles and those i already have so maybe i will get under 4000+ songs, but i still have that 2500+ songs from before, so it’s a total mess.
But what the hell, it’s free. ^^
I have been working on this when ever i get bored with the music on my ipod/iphone.
So now i have 2087 songs that i have to categorize and put into my ipod/iphone and since the number was 2700+ songs, i feel i have done quite a bit of the work, so now i just need to do the rest…
Im doing better and better for every week, if it gets better by next friday, i will then call this finish.
I have more confident in the things i do, in driving a car, in almost everything and finally in myself.
So i’m doing great.
No one is willing to tell me anything usefull, all i know is that everyone came from the same country, i find that weird.
I barely know anything of my parents, my sister and my grandma, it’s like living with strangers..
I don’t know what i should do…
5-6 hours of sleep this week and last week, i’m improving last month it was 3-4hours, so i will see if i can get more sleep on this weekend, i doubt it tho.
Okey, I’m still saying alot of stupid things and people are still confused by them.
But i can see that i speak less stupidly and more with confidence.
And now when people get confused by me speaking, i just correct myself and try to re-explain what i meant.
I has worked out so good, for now i just now i’m gonna fall down into the rabbit hole onbe more time, before it all ends..
I just got some Proactive and i have been using it for a week now, i can’t see any deference, but maybe that comes later.
You know what i should have done, i should have taken a picture of my face a week ago and taken one today to see the deterrence in it.
Oh well gonna see if i can get all of them off, wish me luck. =)
They came with it today, so i’m just gonna go and mess with it a bit, then i will end this.
Today i actually thought i could end this goal and mark it as complete but as always, something came up.
I felt pretty good in the beginning of the day, but as the day went on, i manage to take myself down to hell, not all the way, but there was magma in the end.
It truly is like holding my breath, at somepoint i had to breathe, so from there everything went downwards.
I actually did quite good(in my own opinion), in the last 2 weeks.
I will see if i can make it tomorrow, without turning all blue again.
I want to have hair like this guy.
I think i will go with black and red highlights.
I have never liked going to any kind of doctor.
But when i needed to get my drivers license, i was kinda forced to go to the doctor to get checked.
And the doctor said that i don’t see as good with my left eye, then with my right one, so he said that i might need glasses.
He said i should go to an eye doctor to get checked, but i haven’t done it and it was like 6 months ago.
And now i can truly see some blur here and there, so i might just go, at some point, the check is free by the way.
I was just at burger king with my big sister and for once, burger king has a really stupid way to do things, first off i need to order what i want, then i need to wait until someone else comes to me with my stuff.
So they have people who service the customers and people who make the food, but then they have people who pack the food.
It’ really hard to explain, but Mcdonalds has a way better thing, where it’s only one guy you need to speak to.
Altho all the employees at burger king looked like they were models, even the guys.
Okey to the point of this.
We sat there and ate, then she looks at me and then she looked widely at me and then she said “are you wearing mascara?”, i said no.
Then she said “is it eyeliner then”.
I could see that she would catch me in a lie, so i said “yes”.
Then she blow my mind with “it looks good on you” and i was like(in my head) “WTF!”, i never thought that she wouldn’t think i was a freak or something.
So afterwards we went into a supermarket or a big store with lots of stuff, we went over to the makeup section and looked around, it was weird to hear her explain everything, you know how to use and what to buy.
We ended up not buying anything since it was expensive and the selection wasn’t that big.
So apparently it’s okey to dress like a total maniac and to use makeup as a guy in my family. =)
But it’s not okey ,to talk trash and stuff, well if someone talks trash to me, they will get it back at themselves.
Altho my grandma doesn’t understand that and i have been in several fights during the ages, over how she talks to me, but she likes my style non the less, weird right.
Well the good thing is: i don’t have to hide the makeup any more. =)
I want to paint my nails(But only on the left hand).
I want my nails on my left hand to look like this.(Picture)
Not the whole finger, but just the nails on that hand.
Here is the second one..
And to say it out straight, i think i missed, when i aimed at an emo-goth style, this is all emo.
Oh well gonna continue on building on them and making new ones.
Friday, i went over to the cosmetic booth.
I found what i was looking for, made use that everything was as it should be.
When i got out to the checkout, the lady said “this is a tester, you have grabbed” and i was like WTF!, i was 100% sure it wasn’t a tester.
Even the liquid eyeliner was a tester, so i was like “oh, just trow it away, then i will have to try again later”, then she dropped them into a basket she had, it was full of stuff people didn’t want.
Saturday i stood up early, cause now i really wanted to get it.
I went over again the exact same place, so that the liquid eyeliner i wanted wasn’t there, then i took a different one.
I actually made it through the checkout with both of the liners and i came home and tried the pencil liner on first, i haven’t tried the liquid on jet, i am kinda worried, if i put it on wrong or if i miss, somehow and i don’t know if you even can get it off.
Now i need an shadow kit and i will have completed this goal.
Then i will go to a bigger one, with more colors. =)
My whole life, i thought i had lost my soul.
But now it makes sense, i don’t have a soul, i will never have a soul, i never had a soul.
So to find something that i never had would be impossible, so i hereby GIVE UP! on finding my soul.
I’m a demon with wings and i will always be a demon.