I'm doing 40 things
I’m not sure how long I’ve excessively daydreamed. I know that I daydreamed a lot as a child, but it seemed to become a problem at around age eighteen. At the time I was attending a sixth-form college I hated, I was very insecure over whether I would get into a university or not, and I had many acquaintances but very few close friends. Perhaps because of this, I started to withdraw into my own head. My fantasies at that point in my life revolved around rock stardom, romance and having lots of friends.
This has carried on the the present day. I think that living too much inside my own head had started to make me feel mentally exhausted, and, in a way, sick. I’ve carved out such a vivid alternative reality that in many ways I prefer it to the real world, hence I’m not living my life in the way I’m intended to be living it.
One of the worst aspects of my internal world is that it’s so heavily based on achievement. A typical fantasy for me would be the basking in the glory for something I’ve done, be it writing a number 1 pop single or earning a doctorate. Over time, and no doubt helped on by the achievement focused nature of our society, these fantasies have left the impression in my mind that in order to be liked, I must be successful. This I know, on an intellectual level at least, to be untrue. I’m a very likable person regardless of my accomplishments, but I need to know this in the core of my inner being.
It’s not reached the point where I feel that my daydreaming is really starting to hold me back in life. I spend too much time inside my own head, time which could be better spend socializing with new friends or making sure my masters degree year is as successful as possible. I know dreams can be a useful motivational tool to help people in life, but they’ve taken over mine to the extent that they dominate over everything else, and for that reason I have to cut down on my daydreaming as much as possible.
