Mina000

ive always been a very healthy person.

a couple of months ago i got a stomachache, still not sure of what it was. i was sick for 2 weeks, tryin to eat better not couldnt, i got an anti nausea med and prescription [metoclopram] that cost me callin 911. my back msucles tightened and it caused my neck to bend back and that prevented me from breathin. i could only take short breaths through my mouth. i had diarrhea from only eatin bland foods and lots of water and lots of G2 cause it helped with hydration and electrolites. i now still have a lot of gas [a lot of burpin after meals and when hungry] left from the 2 weeks i was sick.

im desperately waitin for my dads insurance to activate my account so ican go see a gastroenterologist.

i sometimes cant help but break down and cry, fearin the unknown.

the only thing thats helped my little anxienty attacks have been sudoku, it keeps me focused long enough to try to forget about whats happennin to me.

its true what that song [le festin by camille] says, “Surviving isn’t living.”

its the theme song of Disney/Pixar’s Ratatouille.

if you live your life tryin to survive it then youre really not livin your life. this is my problem, i know this and yet i cant help but think im gonna catch somethin, or im gonna have food poisonin again.

i think im becomin a hypochondriac.

watchin what i eat, not eatin out anymore, carryin around with me an antibacterial and usin it whenever possible, thinkin im gonna get appendicitis and be alone at home and be afraid to clal 911 cause i dont have insurance and i already owe the hospital for the last emergency [a real one by the way, allergy reaction to a precription]just to name a few of the crazy things im goin through. its really emotionally exhaustin.

eventually i just break down and cry and cry til i feel a little better, but the good feelin doesnt last. ive also been freakin out about a plane crashin on my apt buildin cause it happened not too far from here, damn those private planes.

[to be continued]