I do clairvoyant readings with my magic typewriter

So this one day, not too long ago, I was walking around minding my own business of course when I had a thought. In the past and even now thoughts elude me much like cute dewy-eyed bunnies elude crazy, murdering, maniacal hunter’s who are hell bent on catching a bunny and then removing its eyeballs. So you see, thoughts really, really try to elude me lets make this point clear shall we? So . . . when this thought came I wasn’t ready for it. I mean it just slammed into my skull and lucky for me it didn’t hit the bone sutures that ossify when you are a baby. I believe, and with good reason, my coronal and frontal sutures would have become disarticulated. You don’t want this to happen either. Usually one has to have a massive head trauma to even think about such a thing happening, but this is not so with someone like me. You see, since I do not have thoughts very often my boney skull parts have somewhat atrophied with non-use. Oh, I suppose had I been forewarned that a thought was coming I could have braced my head with colorful zip ties and thus withstood the enormous blast that the thought made. Now when I say enormous blast I mean like the kind of blast that helped the dinosaurs toward their imminent doom. I know, you’re probably thinking that I am being melodramatic or even exaggerating, but I assure you the thought crash FEELS like this to me and may or may not look like it is happening to anyone else if you are some else who is not me and not experiencing the thought crash g-force. The people who WERE nearby did say that they felt a disturbance in the force, “Like a million voices crying out in pain and then extinguished.” It’s amazing to report to all you good people that I did not sustain whiplash and therefore can not sue anyone. Then again who exactly would I sue? I couldn’t sue myself since I have very little. I also know how often I take baths and would not want to stand by myself in a contained room, like a courtroom.

I think that’s it. There might be more and if there is I’ll have to add more.

Pachycephalosaurus

Among the later dinosaurs
Though not the largest, strongest,
PACHYCEPHALOSAURUS had
The name that was the longest.

Yet he had more than syllables,
As you may well suppose.
He had great knobs upon his cheeks
And spikes upon his nose.

Ten inches thick, atop his head,
A bump of bone projected.
By this his brain, though hardly worth
Protecting, was protected.

No claw or tooth, no tree that fell
Upon his head kerwhacky,
Could crack or crease or jar or scar
That stony part of Paky.

And so he nibbled plants in peace
And lived untroubled days.
Sometimes, in fact, as Paky proved,
To be a bonehead pays.

- Richard Armour

of Captain Spiffy via magic typewriter.