Melissa

My OCD is getting a bit ridiculous. I don’t let anyone see it (well… only one close friend really knows how bad it is), but it’s getting just a bit out of control. My parents would never understand or take me seriously if I came right out and told them that I strongly believe I have OCD, so I’ve kept it to myself for a few years. Finally one of my close (older) friends noticed. She doesn’t think it’s a tragedy or anything. On the contrary, she finds it hilarious, I think. But, it’s actually kind of scaring me. Time to fix this? But how? And I’m scared that if I do fix it, I’ll turn into a slob. I’m glad that I’m cleanly and neat, and if my OCD problem goes away, I don’t want to be a wreck. But at the same time, something has to be done.

I’ve been working on this for three years (since about seventh grade). But now, I really want to get serious about it. My creative writing teacher that I had last year really made me realize that this is what I want to do with my life and that I want to be serious about it. I began my novel in her class and have since taken a break from it because she’s not really here to push me to do it anymore. I talk to and see her frequently, but it’s just not enough. I need to learn to push myself and not rely on someone else to do everything for me. I love to bounce ideas off of her and have her read my work, but it’s time for me to step it up.

I just really want to have more confidence in myself. I’m always, always, always self-conscious and there’s never been a day when I haven’t been this way as far as I know. I want to be able to go to the school and not worry about people judging me, or thinking things about me, or looking at me weird. I just want to be comfortable with myself and not worry about what everyone else thinks and wants me to be. I want to be able to act like myself and not put on a show for everyone just so that I don’t come off as a freak. I want to not care. I just want to be able to be me.