Erica Lonesome




I'm doing 15 things
 
Recent entries
make a living working at a job where i don't have to get up until 10 (AM).
from 3 to midnight...

i used to work at a theater in new york as a dresser. i had to be to work between 2 and 3 in the afternoon. it was lovely. we worked getting things ready until the show started, ran the show, did laundry and repairs afterwards and got out around midnight. on some wednesday nights we would go dancing at a bar called Salsa y Salsa. it was fantastic. i didn’t know now to salsa or merengue and i still don’t but the men would whisk you around the floor and all you had to do was follow. then we would go to the hookah bar and have a breakfast of falafel and hummus. and i would drag home and get to bed as my roommate was getting up for work. 7 hours of sleep and right back at it. so i know… this is mostly about the activities and not the hours, but i never could have done it if i worked 9-5.



not be so tired of living
sometimes i'm so pathethic...

you can ignore this entry. it’s only for myself and when i forget that there are other people in the world. i’m hoping that when i see it here i’ll be so embarrassed that i’ll stop acting like a dumbass and get going.



Write in my journal on a weekly basis
i can only remember the anguish...

i have journals going back to when i was in the 6th grade. and they all have the same thing in common the same thing in common—longing for something that i do not have. it makes me kind of sad. all of my entries, going back to when i was 12, are about wishing my life was different than it was. when i was 12, i didn’t want to leave public school for catholic school. when i was 16 it was wishing i was smarter and more popular. when i was 22 it was wishing i was a better actress. when i was 26 it was wishing the person i loved loved me. much of the pain was of my own doing, because i am sometimes selfish, and self centered and irrational. but now things are good. at 30 i’m starting to learn things i couldn’t or wouldn’t before. and for some strange reason, i have not urge to document it. i know it’s sill to force myself to do something i have no inclination to do but when i’m 34 (or 64) i would like to remember the good things and not just the bad.




 

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