MollyMaximum

Is what I would have said to justify my thoughts of committing suicide the first time i posted several weeks ago. But since then, I have been through some things that make me want to live. There have recently been some things happening in my parents internet company that let me totally be included in the whole process. So, it makes me think, why not just wait it out? Things will get better. I’m not saying that the thought of suicide isn’t still in the back of my head, but there are definitely more thoughts of living and loving and enjoying life. Its odd though, how my views on something could change so radically in such a short amount of time. Looking back now though, I think i see why i set my date for suicide for such a long time away[September 28], I still really don’t have a clear reason for that, but i think it was a subconsciencely made decision to really have the time to think about it. I was serious about it too. Probably as or more serious about committing suicide as 99% of the people on here. And I started school today, my freshman year, and things seemed to go wonderfully, I have good classes with all my friends, and I think this year will be amazing. Which just gave me more of a reason to live. But like I said, the thoughts of suicide are still there, and I’m still mildy depressed. But I guess what I’m trying to get at is maybe if you’re thinking of committing suicide just give it a little time. Nothing can be so bad that you actually need to kill yourself over.

I’ve been planning my suicide for September 28. I don’t know why I chose that day, but it seemed like far enough away that I would have time to get my affairs in order [even though im 14 i still affairs, ha]. It’s the only thing thats been on my mind. Here’s why I want to commit suicide: I feel like there is nothing here left for me, I’ve felt all of the love I need to, I’ve seen all the things I need to. I’m content with my life so far.. and I just think I’m done here. Its weird though, im one of the most popular kids and most liked person at my school. everybody knows me. im not one of those kids who are made fun of all the time and are always sitting alone. i actually have a ton of friends that are totally there for me in every situation and i feel that if i wanted them to, they would help me through this, but i know if i want help. No one knows about my plans for this. I don’t know. The more I think about it, the more I realize what the consequences of this are and could be, and it scares me. Somehow, though the fear of this is not stopping me from wanting to do it. I can’t imagine the day that this actually happens. It seems so far away yet so close. I’m not sure about my friends anymore as i get closer to the day. it seems like theyre all beginning to drop like flies. and im scared. i just want these thoughts to go away. i just dont want this. i really dont want to commit suicide but its like a gut feeling, its like i have to. i just dont know though.