a work in progress

When I was growing up I was in Girl Guides, starting with Brownies. Although the memories are hazy, they are pleasant happy memories. Memories of an easier time and place. A safe place where you were always surrounded by friends and an unconditional acceptance. Somehow the environment just created an atmosphere where cliques and competition ceases to exist (at least in my memory). This year I put my daughter in Sparks, “where the Guiding adventure begins” It has only been 3 weeks and the last 2 weeks were spent selling cookies but she is so enthusiastic and she was absolutely delighted when she received her first badge.

When we first started she would just thrust the box of cookies toward them as soon as they opened the door and said ”$4 a box!” I explained to her how to greet them when they opened the door and what to tell them about the cookies. So she lead with it every time and being the actress she is, gave it her own dynamic flair. We were only turned down at 3 doors and you could tell it pained them to do so. Part way through she got the idea of taking her hat off and telling them to put the $$ in the hat. Naturally I had to explain she needed to wait to find out IF they wanted any cookies before she “asked” them to put the $ into the hat. Fortunately most people understand the ways of a child and were only amused by her “selling” techniques.

*picture is from their site, not of my daughter

Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater.
If you give her a house, she’ll give you a home.
If you give her groceries, she’ll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she’ll give you her heart.
If you give her sperm, she’ll give you a baby.
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.
So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.

• Hope the humour doesn’t offend :)

You are your daughter’s Hero and Champion <3

I never feel like I am good enough, whether I am comparing myself to other Moms, Wives, Daughters, Friends, or Women in general. I find it impossible to balance my life and something always seems like it is suffering. If I try and focus on one major area, whether it’s the kids, family, friends, or just getting everything off my “list” then of course everything else gets neglected. But when I try and balance it all out it just seems impossible and everything feels sub-par. I “see” other people around me who seems to take care of ALL of it and it is a mystery to me. There was a reason I took this goal off my list but I knew I had to put it back on. I hope the rumours I’ve heard are true, and that once I am in my 40’s I will come into my own and carry myself with more confidence and no longer worry so much about what others think.

I don’t like how this makes me sound, and I try and keep these feelings under wraps as I would rather not appear “weak” but perhaps this is a process I need to do in order to move forward.