Moonbeam57

I lost my Mom when I was 22 and my Mom was 51. My Mom died suddenly without warning-so a great deal of shock was involved..my Dad died suddenly a few months later. There is no way to “properly” handle such things. I can only say that you must experience the pain that comes with it, even though you dont want to-it must be felt and felt as long as necessary. It is part of life that we all must expect to cope with at one point-tragically, some of us will deal with it earlier than others and with less preparation than others. I say just grieve-feel the pain that you need to, cry the tears that you must. I also had lots of dreams wherein I must have been working out some of the unresolved issues in my subconcious-even after all this time I still have dreams but now the dreams are GOOD VISITS with my parents. I still miss them, still wish I could enjoy certain things with them. As my children grew up and I wanted to share things with them I would sit and write them letters to tell them what I wanted to say and then burn them. It served to help get things out of my system-I knew people probably were weary of hearing me talk about how much I hurt, how much I missed them-you see, none of my friends had been through such a tragedy, they didn’t want to hear about it..I bummed them. I was a painful reminder of something they didn’t want any part of. My newer friends would become older, wiser people who knew something about the realities of life, who had suffered and endured loss..suddenly I had nothing in common with people my own age as my tragedy had aged me mentally and emotionally. The steps that you read about in going through grief are true..the anger, etc. You feel all of these things and each of these stages simply take as long as they take. My parents have been dead over 25 years-I still cry, I still miss them..but I have dealt with it, I know my parents raised me to be happy—to be productive and the best tribute I can give them is to move on and honor them by being the best person I can be..I honor their memory and my love has continued just as fresh and alive as it always was..that does not die with the person.

I used to be absolutely faithful about logging the carb count of every single bite I put in my mouth…I feel that I have gotten a little too confident of my weight. My clothes feel just a bit uncomfortable..I have pairs of jeans that I prefer over others and the reason is..some are more comfy than others, I have allowed a couple of pounds to creep on. A few years ago I would have died first. About 25 years ago I lost a huge amount of weight and I have maintained that weight loss..I know that I have to be rigid in order to do so, especially as I am growing older and my metabolism slows. This is no time to slack off. Its easy to get tired of it..I have been carrying this monkey on my back a long, long time..but its carry the monkey or be fat. I like my size 4 clothes..I make a conscience choice to stay there..I choose to log..I choose to be careful..I will do whatever it takes. The first three days of getting back into the habit are always the most difficult..I can do it!

I had two dreams last week that were so vivid they had remained with me..and I also had a dream last night. I had the coffee prepared this morning so that all I had to do was hit the button and it would start making..I sat down at my computer so I wouldn’t lose track of last nights dream, sure enough as I began thinking out the details more came back to me. I was able to enjoy my cup of coffee while I did this..I also added the two other dreams. I was able to connect some of the current events that are going on..some of the things that have happened during the day, etc with what I have dreamed..and also some old business that seems to resurface. I dont believe dreams are prophetic but I do think they can tell us things that are unsettled, unfinished or just help us work things out. I dream about old, old issues growing up with my sister-things that are 40 years ago and should be long resolved, so I still feel some hurt or resentment after all this time-sibling rivalry must die hard!