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MrMisterE

MrMisterE's Life List

1. 1.

   meet a guy named Art. I'd take him to a museum, hang him on the wall, criticize him, and leave. 10 cheers

   31 people

2. 2.

   I want to keep a human mouth on my coffee table. It’ll be a great conversation starter. 3 cheers

   1 person

3. 3.

   I want to share with you my secret. 1 entry . 1 cheer

   1 person

4. 4.

   I want my time to be taken up by chores, errands, appointments, and arguments. In other words, I want to get married. 2 cheers

   1 person

5. 5.

   I want to get struck by lightning, because immediately after I get out of the hospital, I’m going to buy a lottery ticket. 7 cheers

   1 person

6. 6.

   I want to make something out of myself. Like an origami dragon, but I’m not that flexible. 3 cheers

   1 person

7. 7.

   I want to write a book called, “Conversation.” Of course it’s all talk at this point.

   1 person

8. 8.

   I want to buy my nephew a hooker, since my brother says he's seven gong on twenty, I figure it's about time. 2 cheers

   1 person

9. 9.

   I want to date two women at the same time, just in two parallel universes.

   1 person

10. 10.

    I want to keep a journal. Don’t know whose, but if I find one, I’m keeping it. 5 cheers

    1 person

11. 11.

    I want to know, If aliens were cowboys, would they prefer riding UFHs, unidentified flying horses, also better known as Pegasus? 2 cheers

    1 person

12. 12.

    I want to see a giant termite who’s also a one-legged pirate, because I wonder if he’s ever thought about eating his wooden leg.

    1 person

13. 13.

    I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. 3 cheers

    4 people

14. 14.

    I want to get a washing machine. That way, other than my shower, I’ll finally have some place to urinate.

    1 person

15. 15.

    I want to spend less time talking about myself, and more time listening to what other people have to say about me.

    1 person

16. 16.

    I want to capture the laugh of a giant, and then unleash it in the locker room where a pack of midgets are showering. 1 cheer

    1 person

17. 17.

    I want to know why there are some people out there who, if all their friends were trees, would only talk about firewood. 2 cheers

    1 person

18. 18.

    I want to invent a dance called, “Turkey-Turkey,” just to have an answer the next time Grandmother asks, “What are you doing?” as she finds me on the kitchen floor shaking with spasms, covered only in gravy. 1 cheer

    1 person

19. 19.

    I want a kitty post right now. No wait, scratch that. 1 cheer

    1 person

20. 20.

    I want to know, is the word “tangerine” a tangible thing, or an intangible representation of a tangible thing?

    1 person

21. 21.

    I want people to know, If bricks were eggs, you wouldn’t have to dress in a chicken suit to lay them.-Taken from the book of Orafoura

    1 person

22. 22.

    I want to end global hunger by feeding half the world’s starving people to the other half. 3 cheers

    1 person

23. 23.

    I want to have my flesh surgically replaced with the green material from an old-fashioned chalk board. That way, you’d have to put on ear plugs (which I sell) if you wanted to scratch my back.

    1 person

24. 24.

    I want to let people know that I don’t have an 800 lb. gorilla on my back. I’m just genetically really hairy.

    1 person

25. 25.

    I want to drink lots of water in the winter. That way, nobody will know when they are eating “yellow snow.” Not even me. 1 cheer

    1 person

26. 26.

    I want to remember the little things. 1 entry . 1 cheer

    1 person

27. 27.

    I want to clarify something. 1 entry . 2 cheers

    1 person

28. 28.

    I want to stop leaving the phone book off the hook. 1 cheer

    1 person

29. 29.

    I want to remember. 1 entry

    1 person

30. 30.

    I want to psychoanalyze a bowl of Jell-O, because I’ll bet I could see to the depths of its being.

    1 person

31. 31.

    I want to wear those invisible braces, so I can keep chewing my invisible gum just to piss of my dentist. (Who I haven’t seen in years. And no, he’s not invisible, merely translucent).

    1 person

32. 32.

    I want to define love. 1 entry . 2 cheers

    1 person

33. 33.

    I want to know the truth. 1 entry

    3 people

34. 34.

    I want to show that life is a series of events all interconnected by silly putty and earwax.

    1 person

35. 35.

    I want a fireman’s hose for a penis, so I can tame even the wildest fire crotch. 1 cheer

    1 person

36. 36.

    I want to mount a fully erect penis on my gun, so if I’m ever attacked by enemy commodes, I won’t hit the floor all the time.

    1 person

37. 37.

    I want to get a free ride to college, preferably in the back of one of those old Ford pickups trucks. 1 cheer

    1 person

38. 38.

    I want to have scantily clad angels of light feed me grapes until I’m old, because I also love raisins. 2 cheers

    1 person

39. 39.

    I want a glass chest, partially so I could see inside myself, but also so my inner midget could see out.

    1 person

40. 40.

    write for jarodkintz.com

    3 people

41. 41.

    I want to be an astronaut, because when they put on that suit, it doesn’t include a tie.

    1 person

42. 42.

    I want my kids to be able to tie their own shoes, so I’ll make each eat a shoe, and then make a speech in front of a large group of people. Because whoever’s stomach and shoe is not in knots will be the one who’ll be reading my eulogy.

    1 person

43. 43.

    I want to elect a two-faced man as President. That way, if his image got engraved on a coin, people could flip it and call out, “Heads or Heads?” 1 cheer

    1 person