MrsKuna

I have been going strong for 7 months. Until yesterday. We were having a picnic with my family at the park and I was so hungry, the only thing to eat was lunch meat. I didn’t crave it or anything, there was just nothing else to eat. I had half a turkey sanwich. It did not even taste good. I woke up this morning sick to my stomach and have been sick since. I am beginning to remember one of the smaller reasons I did this to begin with.

I keep forgetting how great my husband really is. He has given up so much for me. His closest family lives 3 hours away, but he stayed here with me. He works hard to make sure that the bills get paid, he does just about anything that I request. Now keep in mind that I am not a stay at home wife, I have worked since before we got together. He did not have a job when we first got together. I have been the primary supporter most of our relationship, but he has come along way. He works hard and has continued to move up in the world. Right now I work 40 hours a week and go to school full time. I get so tired, stressed, and physically worn out, that I sometimes get a LITTLE cranky. Most of the time when I am “cranky” I take it out on him. I forget that he has been there through everything, problems with parents, grandparent’s funerals, work problems, school issues, best friend fights, everything. He never got scared and ran away. There was a time when I thought he would, and he thought that he was going to as well. A lot of time I find myself wondering why he stayed. I know that I am not a very good wife and I know that he deserves better but he just keeps hanging around. I guess he loves me or something. (wink). I just need to show him that I love him more than anything! He is the most important thing in my life and I just do not know if he knows it yet. I love him so much and he treats me like a princess. I need to treat him like the amazing person that he is, and remember that I put myself in the school/work situation that I am in. He has backed in whatever I have done and now I need to do the same! I just don’t think that I could take it if he left! So I need to straighten up and concentrate on making him happy!

Lord I know that I am not living my life in a way that is satisfying to you. I am so sorry. I keep saying that I am going to try, I keep saying that I am giving it all to you, I keep saying that you are in control and that I want you to take the reins. Then I get in the way. I make excuses and go back to MY ways. I just need to get in the passengers seat and give you the keys. Sometimes it is just so hard and I just want to jump in and gossip about so and so with the person sitting next to me. The people that I work with, the people in my family, the people that I go to school with, they make it hard and the situations that have come up in my life recently STOP ITThere I go making excuses again. That is how it normally works. But NO MORE EXCUSES!! This is not anyones fault but my own. Other people have obstacles, a lot of them more difficult then my own, and they overcome them everyday and continue to praise God and to make Him proud. I just need to be stronger and wiser in my decisions. I need self discipline. I give it to you Lord. I pray for the strength that I need to make it through another day and to help the people that I love be closer to you. I pray for the self discipline that I need to obey and to return from the distant path that I am on and I pray that I can glorify you in every way possible EVERYDAY!!! Amen