MsBenson

Maturity not something of mine that I ever have questioned. I mean I went to college, actually got a job, work steadily, pay my bills and everything independently. I thought I was mature as I would want to be. But I was watching Dr.PHil and he was talking about people in love with love. People who only want the thrill of falling but not the actual act or work of loving. The lady reminded me of myself how she pushes her boyfriend away just to test him and see if he will come back, because she gets a high off of watching him prove himself time and time again. He called her an empty cup ding ding ding. Said that no matter what he does or says it will never be enough.
I’m trying to understand it I haven’t ever thought of it that way and not really sure what i can do to change. Dr. Phil says that there’s love in the mundane and predictable. I guess it would be nice to have someone who’s concerned with the details of my life. It’s nice having someone to look forward to talking to, to do nice things for, to share affection and attention. I understand that. But when things get boring I get scared. Scared that he’s bored, that we will drift apart, or start looking elsewhere for excitment. I really don’t know what to do with the day to day when things get like that to me it’s like the beginning of the end… Even though he’s told me and now shown me that he’s in it for the long run… I really need to come to understanding about this but I don’t know where to start.

So I’ve been reading about this self esteem thing and one of the common threads to low self esteem is thinking negative and always putting yourself down. So I wanna make a list of two positive things for all the negative comments I make constantly inside my head.

I failed miserably. See my other entry about being a better girlfriend for details.