Physically, I believe that I can say that I have friends. I go to lunch with the gamer boys, they say hello when they see me in the hall, and they treat me just like one of the guys. I enjoy this. But then when I have to choose people to sit with on a bus or choose a partner to work with, I get depressed. Noone would want to sit with me or wants to work with me. I’m allready dreading tommorow when I have to pick a new partner in a class. Luckily one of my gbs is in my class. Also, half of the guys have girlfriends, so this makes them unavailable to me. Since I have begun going to lunch with my new friends my depression has lessened and I consider myself to be happy. But when I have to interact with other people I sink deeper into my depression. This confusion makes me feel like shit and I dislike this feeling. I do not know what to do. I want to make friends outside of the ones I have at lunch, but I just do not know how.
MuffyDoubleSci's Life List
1. lose 25 pounds
2. Get a 4 on the AP US History Exam
3. get a 5 on the AP Biology exam
4. make friends
5. stand up for myself
6. stop homophobia
7. walk my dog more
8. To live instead of exist
9. be more organized
10. live life fearlessly
11. No more self mutilation
I’m 150 again. Last week I ballooned to 158. That’s gross. I’ve sorta stopped eating. Three days ago I had 15 calories, yesterday around 350, and I have not eaten today. I walked a mile today, as I do everyday. I really need to bulk up my exercise routine if I want to lose weight. I’ve decided that I cannot binge, or eat “normally,” until Christmas. Only 21 days left.
My last entry ended with that I hoped that I could sit with one of my new friends at lunch. Well, for the past two months, I have been going to lunch with my geeky guy friend. He introduced me to his friends, a bunch of very friendly gamer boys, and I am so much happier. The next thing that I want to do is hand out with them outside of school. Something to look forward to, I hope.