So here’s a thought. . . .
Is it okay to just be or is it a cop-out? What happens in life when everything you know isn’t anything you knew?
I’ve been fooled by myself. I’ve been fooled by Him. I’ve been fooled. And it hurts so much.
So i find myself in a new state.
I’ve been offered . . . Paris for a hundred a month or an 18 year old. I’m 35. He’s 18.
I’m drunk, high, and arguing with myself.
I’m always alone. It’s at 35 I find the 18 year old is the only one that makes me feel alive, free, and with a friend.
You’re my best friend. Don’t go. But LEAVE ME ALONE, Never go.
What does it mean to be….to BE.
So that’s the arguement. What does it mean to be. Does he have the answer. Do I? Or do we?
I love it. But I don’t want to live it.
Does this really mean trying again or fixing what’s wrong while it’s happening?
If it means trying again then I have no more to say.
If it means fixing what’s wrong while it’s happening…then how far is too far to go? How far does one truly go to find or keep love? How much does one take and give to reconcile with the past? And the present? For the future???
I experienced a conversation today with my “current” ex that got me thinking. Can we still create a reaction with only a spark?
I know that it’s very possible for two people to fall out of love with each other. One moves on. One doesn’t have the heart or mind to try.
But what part does a spark play? I define a spark as interest. Seeking another out. Maybe wishfully thinking but it still is an interest. So I guess I wonder if that’s enough to ablaze romance.
Is it the foolishness of want that keeps the spark or is it genuine interest? If it’s interest are we denying ourselves by actually trying to hold onto something we loved in the hope of just the love?
Here’s hoping that I’m not selling myself short. ; P