Nadais

according to some, I am not very good at this :(

Perhaps when she grows up, gains perspective, maturity…wisdom, she will see that I have done nothing short of my very best under the circumstances.

• a day off work
• sleeping in until 0715
• hugs and kisses all day from DJ
• great recipes I found on the internet that provided the inspiration for a delicious dinner
• phone call from N – she was talkative and pleasant.

N is not a happy girl, and it is reflected in her actions, the things she says…her demeanour in general. She tells her father and stepmother that it’s all my fault; I’m a terrible mother. If only she knew how much I have sacrificed, have cried for her.

I love her, I provide for her, I make time for her – what else can I do? I do my best not to judge her and I think for the most part, I am fair.

I haven’t seen Dr.K since the beginning of January, and I’ve been trying to carry on without my ‘candy’ for almost a month now. I know that I am not myself; well, the relaxed, happy self I am when I have candy, that is. Every day is a struggle to not be angry, it is a constant struggle not to cry and let my mind wander to the dark places it used to go before my breakdown.

I see her on Friday, and I guess I’ll tell her I’ve been trying to go it alone without the chemical ‘assistance’ – she will likely scold me for not calling in for a refill, but I really wanted to try it on my own. I guess I’m not ready yet.

I’m trying not to take all the shit N says personally, but it’s hard. She’s a girl who refuses to be accountable for anything she says or does – I know a person who was and is still like that. He’s 40 years old and going nowhere in life, because every time he chooses to ‘screw up’, it’s everyone else’s fault in some way.

I only want what is best for her, and I hope she will accept the help we are trying to give her.

• another excellent sleep, albeit on the sofa. I guess I was snorning too loudly for F to wake me :)

• in spite of the weather, had a safe drive to KIN and back today, meeting with the counsellor went well; we ALL got along. :)

• a giant, dirty Whopper in Prescott on the way home. I’m still belching it up, but boy was it gooood!

1.) a steaming, hot mug of coffee delivered to me when I get out of the shower, courtesy of F ♥
2.) a new down-filled coat to keep me warm while I wait for the bus for work.
3.) a quiet evening on the sofa with a glass of wine and season 2 of Criminal Minds.
4.) clean, flannel sheets on the bed and a little bit of cool winter air to give me a superb sleep
5.) going to work with the knowledge that the store looks pretty good and most of the seasonal changeover is done phew!

1.) My health – haven’t had a cold or flu in almost 18 months.
2.) My daughters – gosh, they made me laugh all weekend!
3.) My husband – he has stood beside me through so much shit over the past 9 years. I believe he is an angel.
4.) my day off today!
5.) having had the time to indulge in a bubble bath last night, with a glass of wine, and my book.

It really occured to me over the holidays, that I really don’t have very many friends. I have co-workers and a few aquaintances, but really nobody I can just call up and go out for coffee with. I have to say this makes me a bit sad.

I don’t belong to any clubs or groups locally, where I can meet people so I suppose this would be a good starting point.

Problem is, I am shy and very insecure. I live in a bit of a pretentious yuppy-dominated neighbourhood because this house was in my husband’s family long before the area became this way. I don’t feel like I belong.

We’ll see what happens.

SO late, it’s terrible of me, but nonetheless I hope my dear friend Phensy had a chimp-tastic, banabulous hug and cake filled birthday, on July 9th…..

So sorry I missed it; I think I’m going through mental-pause…someone ate my calendar…don’t think of it as ‘late, or on time’...think of it as fluidity, spontenaity…

Many wonderful birthday wishes to your dearest Phens…Happiness and joy always♥

for you and tea for me these days!!

I still need my first cup of coffee in the morning just to kick-start my day. But after that, it’s tea.

Vanilla Earl Gray
Island Mango and peach white tea
Mint refresher.

And I cannot believe I’ve actually begun to put a drop or two of milk in orange pekoe, where I previously was repulsed by the sight of it – looks like dirty dishwater! But I’ve decided just a drop takes the bitter edge off.

My N sits and drinks a pot all on her own over the course of a Saturday or Sunday morning…her Farhmor got her started on that when she was barely older than an infant! Only decaf for her though…god forbid she get hooked on caffiene like Mum!!

I had put my gym membership on a temporary hold back in the summer as I knew I wouldn’t be using it. Well, doing some banking the other day, I noticed that the gym began processing my monthly payments again; the suspension was up and my membership re-activated.

Hhmmm, because of the impeccable timing (holidays = me stuffing my gob and whining about the monstrosity I call my arse) I had to look to the sky and wonder if someone out there in the great beyond was sending me a message; a little nudge in the direction of the YMCA.

So, I packed my bag and dragged my bender and was pleasantly surprised to find that in that 5 months, all of the equipment has been replaced and each cardio machine now has a tv on it – all I need are my headphones and that 45 minutes just whizzes past.

Day 1: I watched the 3rd installment of the “Jaws” franchise

Day 2: Oprah (Yawn)

Day 3: “Gladiator” – was a twit I looked like, pounding away on the elliptical with tears streaming down my face when Maximus returns to find his wife and son slaughtered and hung….

Day 4: well, that will be tomorrow.

Naked fealessness, Here I come!!!!!!!

that chip on my shoulder regarding the language debate here, and I have been relenting lately; when a customer responds to me in french, rather than respond back in english I have been finishing the transaction in french.

If they can respond to me when I speak to them in english, evidently they understand, but merely choose not to ‘debase’ themselves by speaking english, regardless of the fact that we are on ‘this side of the river’. And that goes both ways….so, I’ve decided not to be such an arse about it. I have nothing to lose by using the french I have, which is a fair bit, seeing as I grew up in a french community, with french neighbours and family. What the hell…

light a fire under my arse!! The apps are sitting right in front of me on the desk, but I’ve yet to even print my name. I always seem to be ‘out of time’....

I would love the opportunity to visit some friends across the pond. One has been in the US for the last week, and he asked if I were going to be in the Niagra region today, but unfortunately I am at least an 8 hour drive from that area…bummer.

Okay, I’ve got to get this done. I need to get outta town!

I had the time to go to the photoderm clinic, or even to a tanning salon a couple of times a week….I’ve lost a few pounds and I might not even abhor the few extra I still have were my skin beautiful…I don’t want to be waifish, nor do I want to be unhealthy. I just want to be comfortable ‘in my own skin’ (to be cliche) but when that skin in the cause of so much shame and embarrassment I don’t foresee that ever happeneing.

Why does Mr.Chooch love me so much??? I don’t get it. But I am indeed grateful and I’ll take every little bit of love he’s got to give, because it is truly what keeps me going.

I’ve not been eating much chocolate lately – I just put it in my head that if i’m truly that unhappy with my little love handles, then I need to be proactive about it and stop eating a pound of chocolate a day!

WELL…went to the annual HMK Christmas seminar last night and as always AC was there. There were milk chocolate Lindor chocolates at all of our places settings and before i left, AC very discreetly told me to meet him at the table on my way out, where he then proceeded to dump about 5 lbs (no hyperbole here…) of Lindor chocolates into this year’s new ‘Pop-up’ Santa gift bag….oh shit, that’s all I have to say.

If I plough through that, naked isn’t going to become me!

if this is ever going to happen again. I don’t think it matters much one way or another if it does when I come to think of it.

We’ve at least picked up the applications. We plan on sending Choochie’s off first – if we do it before she turns 3 in October, then we only have to pay the $22 fee, as opposed to $35.

Then I guess we’ll take care of ours next. We’ve been toying with the idea of spending an October weekend in Vermont. I can only imagine how beautiful it is there in Autumn, so if we’re actually going to do it, we’d better get off our backsides and get the passports!

Last week, on two different occasions we had sunshowers, both times after dinner while Mr.Chooch and I were in the truck, going out for ice cream. So here I was, craning my neck, twisting and turning in my seat (no, I was not driving!) trying to spot the rainbow which I knew would inevitably appear.

While parked in front of the ice cream parlour, I briefly gave up – I figured I had best give my neck a rest, and with little D with us, I couldn’t very well get out and wander around looking for it. So whilst I was fiddling with the cd player, trying to find D’s Sesame Street cd, I happened to glance up, and there reflected in the parlour window before me, was this brilliant, beautiful rainbow. Actually, not one, but 2 of them. The inner rainbow was considerably brighter and it’s arc reached so high! Sadly, I didn’t have my camera. With tinted windows, D couldn’t really see it, but that’s alright I suppose – she’ll have the rest of her life to marvel at them. ☺

That was on Monday – Wednesday we were driving out to visit J and L and drop off some baby paraphernalia, when we experienced yet another sunshower and ensuing rainbow. I couldn’t believe my good fortune – 2 rainbows in 3 days.

I cannot even begin to describe how this simple weather phenomenom cheered me up, and really, made my entire week.

We should all stop and savour these moments, cherish them. Life is too short to pass them by without a second thought.

, the balloons, (a bit of beer!) and the birthday hugs for Phensy who deserves all the greatest things that life has to offer – love, happiness, health and all things good ☺

I hope you have the loveliest of days dear Phens…you are without a doubt a rare gem of a friend.

Have a brilliant birthday (((Phensy)))♥♥♥

goal is nothing short of a monumental task for me. For those who know me, and have seen me – you know why. :(

My better half claims to think I’m beautiful, which is impossible. I sometimes think that perhaps he has very low standards, or else he needs his head examined.

that this goal should be a little more refined, so I’ve set a time frame in which to do it. I couldn’t be bothered calculating how much $$ I’ll save as a result, but I’ll ballpark it.

I figure I’ll save roughly $250, give or take over a 3 month period, if I bring lunch from home every day. I was buying out approximately 3 days out of a 5 day workweek. Not good.

So far, one month has elapsed and I believe I’ve only bought out once, as a result of rushing out the door and leaving my salad in the fridge. I’ll let that one go…. :)

2 more months to go – I can definitely do this!!!!!