Narcissiai

I think this was a blind sighted goal: not letting academics get in the way of art. The better way to look at this is : Invest time in academics, focus now and do well, and then do all the art I want later :)

I forced myself to stop spacing out and dreaming all the time. Now I try to pay more attention to my surroundings… but now I trip on uneven pavement all the time…

When I had spoken with my supervisor a couple months ago, he mentioned that in order for someone to say something that could hurt him, he would have to love that person. If he didn’t love that person, then why would it matter what anyone else says? I think that is something important to recognize—that not everything that everyone says or does is relevant to your life. You set the boundaries on your own life, the people you surround yourself with, and things you do. You have to empower yourself to make choices and recognize what is and is not in your control. Examine where does your circle of influence end. Why does it end there? Do people set boundaries that you cannot step over into their lives? Do you set these same boundaries? Why or why not?

For me, completing this goal was secondary to overcoming my weakness of being a nice girl. I always wanted to make everyone happy and wanted to help everybody. I didn’t know it at the time, but the biggest step I took to overcome this was breaking up with my boyfriend. I held on to a relationship that was based on trying to fix someone, trying to make him happy, trying to turn his life around. When I broke up with him, I did it because I knew that I wasn’t happy. That was the only reason. I had no idea that I was giving all my energy to someone else, and none to myself.

When I stopped spreading out my focus and put all my energy on myself, my perspective started to change. It is still changing. It is hard to describe because I am still finding out where I will end up. But I am certain that the reason negative opinions do not affect me as much anymore is because I’ve concentrated my focus on myself and understanding my own needs and what I have to do for myself, before I try to do something for someone else.