Megan

This is technically a self esteem thing. I’m just so terrified of my body, so convinced that I’m unappealing, that I get genuninely frightened about wearing clothing or doing things that catch other’s eyes. Nathan, the boy I’m kind of with, has been trying to help me..Taking me places, buying me things to wear, constantly praising the way I look and the way I make him feel..But I need to be comfortable with it myself, and not just rely on the judgement of one single, kind of crazy, individual.

This is just plain something I need to do. I need to prove to myself that I can sustain myself away from my parents, and I need the experience before I move out, so that once I’m supporting myself, I know what I’m doing, and feel comfortable finding a job and doing what needs to be done to keep it. I get so nervous about things, and so scared and shy of things I’ve never done or don’t know how to do, and so I need to learn this while I still have family to help me if I get panicked or I screw up.

I think this may be my calling in life. It just feels so…Right. I don’t know that this will be a career (I’ll probably make MONEY doing something else), but it will always be something I do..Eventually professionally. But my education was cut short when I moved schools, and lost access to a photography teacher and a dark room. I need to find someone to guide me, and a place I can go to develop and print.