Nikki5882

I just reread my last entry, which was written over a year and a half ago. It’s amazing how 500 days can make a difference.

The big news is I’m engaged. The bigger news is that I’m engaged to someone else.

A lot of stuff went down after we both moved. I became serious with the nice guy I mentioned in my last entry and we are planning a January 2011 wedding. I’m really happy and in love. I can’t wait to start our life together.

My ex? He’s dating someone and plans to break up with her this fall to attend business school in Chicago. I guess some things never change. We’re friendly from time to time. I found out some stuff about him that made me completely fall out of love with him.

I don’t love him anymore. I don’t miss him anymore. I don’t hate him anymore. I don’t really feel anything for him, which is a little uncomfortable at times but ultimately for the best.

Just thought I’d update my readers on this – whoever still checks this thing. I’m doing well. He and I are better off without each other.

That’s not to say I’ll forget him. He was a part of my life, a very LONG part of my life, and the love I felt for him will never be forgotten or dismissed. But the feelings I had are like words in a book. Once the pages are turned, the words belong in the past.

I wish all the rest of you going through this the best. I know how hard it is but believe me – there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

It’s been four days since I’ve talked to him but I’m not really going to keep track anymore.

Between moving and meeting someone new, I’m slowly phasing him out of my life. I saw him like three weeks ago at his new place and we had a nice time just hanging out like we used to. But as I left his new apartment in the big city to return to my new apartment in a new state, I realized that this was it for us. We have different lives now and different memories.

I’m okay with letting this go. Of course I am sad and I wish that things could have worked out but the truth is, it wasn’t ever going to. I love him with all I have but sadly that is not enough for the both of us. My love is great but his has to be just as significant.

There’s a great new song out that I think really describes my thoughts:

i don’t know what i’ve done
or if i like what i’ve begun
something told me to run
and honey, you know me
it’s all or none

there were sounds in my head
a little voice is whispering
that i should go and this should end
and oh i found myself listening

cuz i don’t know who i am
who i am without you
all i know is that i should
and i don’t know if i can stand
another hand upon you
all i know is that i should
cuz she will love you more than i could
she who dares to stand where i stood

see, i thought love was black and white
that it was wrong or it was right
but you ain’t leaving without a fight
and i think i am just as torn inside

cuz i don’t know who i am
who i am without you
all i know is that i should
and i don’t know if i can stand
another hand upon you
all i know is that i should
cuz she will love you more than i could
she who dares to stand where i stood

and i won’t be far from where you are
if ever you should call
you meant more to me
than anyone i ever loved at all
but you taught me how to trust myself
and so I say to you
this is what I have to do

cuz i don’t know who i am
who i am without you
all i know is that i should
and i don’t know if i can stand
another hand upon you
all i know is that i should
cuz she will love you more than i could
she who dares to stand where i stood

this time i’m ripping the bandaid off instead of slowly peeling it off. it’s going to hurt either way but if i keep letting this drag on, it’s going to hurt for longer than it needs to. it already has…

i’ll be on periodically to let you know how i’m doing but good luck to the rest of you!

...and I don’t even care if I ever speak to him again. I met someone new who’s great and smart and funny and cute and into me. I don’t need to waste my time on someone who won’t be with me…

Here’s to day 2.