NotWastedTime

I’ve been thinking about wanting to lose weight and I’ve been thinking about all the people out there that have bodies that others would envy and yet they are unhappy with themselves. Well, that is their right, but I don’t want to be like that. I don’t want to have a healthy body and ruin it trying to be thin.

Yes, I still want to lose weight. And yes, one of the reasons I want to lose weight is to look better. But I also want to be healthy, and I think eating better and exercising will help me emotionally happier and healthier as well.

I have a history of heart disease in both sides of my family, as well as a history of anxiety disorders. I don’t want to let either of those things ruin of my life, if I can help it.

I want to be calmer, happier, and healthier.

I’ve been thinking of ways to do this.
1) Yoga: Yoga will help with flexibility, and muscle strengthening. It will also help me relax and focus my thoughts. I’ll be better able to centre my thoughts in tough situations. I have a yoga video that I can take to me dorm with me and somehow find space to do it. Once I get the hang of things, I can take a yoga class (which will be ridiculous cheap through the university)

2) Running: Ok, it’ll be walking at first because I need to get in shape. While I regret the fact that I was better able to handle exercise in the past, I’m not going to let that be a factor now. Running: the effects are obvious. Better cardio, better endurance. Without excuse, I will walk until I can run every day at 7:30am for 30 minutes.

3) Food: I will eat as healthy as possible and I won’t beat myself up for eating “bad” food. I won’t freak myself so much that binge. I will eat breakfast. And I will eat a snack, a lunch, a snack, and dinner. If something goes wrong it’s ok. If something goes right, then I am awesome. :) I will focus on veggies and fruit with healthy amounts of grains and meat and do my best to avoid processed food, or take out. (which I understand will be difficult because I will have to eat out almost every meal when I start uni. But, I can find healthy options, it’s only of matter of choosing those healthy options)

4) Meditation: Teaching my mind to focus on one thing at a time, to relax, to slow my heart rate. This will help me think things through. Not freak out, not get so depressed. Just reeeelllllaaaaxxx.

5) Stay cool: I have dreams where I am faced with an easy task and I can’t complete it because I make the task seem huge and daunting. I’m in front of a snow drift and I think it’s a mountain. I’m in front of a little gutter, and I imagine it filled with snakes (Yeah, I’m kind of a weirdo), etc, etc. So number 5 is all about taking it a day at a time, being happy with what I have and being content to know that tomorrow will be better, no matter what.

I think number five is super important. Most of the time, I freak myself out of losing weight before I even start. I imagine not having the food, and then I really want the food. You know?

Ok so that’s the plan. I can do it. I can totally do it. :)

No real reason, just feeling better. And the comments that I got recently have really helped and I want to thank you guys for that.

So, my plan is simple. It’s just to get into a normal pattern of eating and exercising. I’ve just been thinking that I can’t do it, and I think for the next few weeks, I’m not going to think about weight or fat or not being happy with my body. I’m just going to focus on health. That’s it. And the next time I post, it’s going to be about how good I feel. :)

is some support. I think it is pretty obvious that I can’t do this by myself for whatever reason. Or maybe what I need is to learn to become emotionally independent.

I have never felt that I’ve been supported in this goal. I mean, I’ve been trying to lose weight since before I should have wanted to lose weight. I’ve been trying to lose weight since I was ten, fucking ten. I think at ten, I started to become a bit chubby as I hit puberty. I did not need to lose weight. If I had been more active, I would have been perfect. I wasn’t fat until I reached high school. When I was 14, I was 5’6”, had a C cup and weighed 135lbs. Maybe I was a bit chubby, but I was fairly tall and curvy. I could have been more healthy but I was convinced that I looked like a whale. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Doesn’t that suck?

And now I need to lose weight to be healthy. So as not to be obese. And I still hate my body. I still hate myself. And I just want to fucking be skinny. Sorry for the swearing. I’m just really frustrated.

I just need to be stronger. To not count on someone to be there to cheer me on. But I just don’t know how to do that. I don’t know how to be happy. And I don’t know how to lose weight. I’m not sure I want to be happy, I just want to be a normal pretty skinny 18 year old.