Notthelastpenguin

I get nervous easily sometimes, especially in social situations where I don’t know what people think of me, and where the other people know each other better than me (this is deffo the worst!)

I find myself paying more attention to how well the others are getting on and communicating than on what I am saying, and end up blurting stupid stuff to get attention or join in, which then just makes me look ludicrous, then sometimes the others in the group kind of do that weary eye-contact thing between themselves, sort of a “what a nutter” look which makes me feel about the size of a peanut and subsequently not say anything else. It is actualy making me laugh writing this down which I think is a step in the right direction, but I’d be much happier not going into tense-idiot mode in the first place :) and not taking other peoples reactions so seriously.

This is a hilarious and utterly worthwhile goal. A few years ago i really began to think about what a negative thing being sarcastic is, and i am a deeply dry person so that it can be nearly impossible for all but my closest friends to tell when Im serious or not.

I honestly believed that I was just doing it for the humour value and never intend to hurt anyone but the more I think about it the more I wonder if I am trying to provoke a negative funny response to something trivial because Im scared of having a negative response to something genuine I say, and its a way of ensuring you never have to take other people’s offense seriously (of course I didnt mean it – they’re over-reacting…)

Its also kind of intrinsically condescending, because you’re setting up a club of people who get the sarcasm and those who don’t like discrimination on grounds of perception or intelligence, both of which I find pretty unacceptable.

i have bought a guitar, i am just moving with sloth like rapidity whe it comes to learning it. i learnt a few chord progressions and occassionally pick up the guitar, play these (because i can) then stop. im not sure why i am not trying to progress, half an hour a day can surely be achieved!