Novembrine

--broken down in front of the old God



I'm doing 43 things
 

Novembrine's Life List

  1. 1. stop planning and start doing.
    1 entry . 1 cheer
    29 people
  2. 2. stay healthy
    374 people
  3. 3. Become a better pessimist
    1 entry
    2 people
  4. 4. stop wasting my life
    71 people
  5. 5. live my life
    1 cheer
    197 people
  6. 6. become more confident
    1 entry
    657 people
  7. 7. become braver
    3 people
  8. 8. run a marathon
    10,417 people
  9. 9. toughen up
    15 people
  10. 10. Help Save the Environment
    37 people
  11. 11. go outside more
    160 people
  12. 12. Compose more music
    30 people
  13. 13. eat organic
    210 people
  14. 14. practice piano more
    1 entry
    84 people
  15. 15. write a string quartet
    1 entry
    9 people
  16. 16. write poetry
    729 people
  17. 17. stop being so shy
    535 people
  18. 18. Be less boring
    30 people
  19. 19. Meet someone like me
    26 people
  20. 20. talk to my crush
    59 people
  21. 21. date my crush
    20 people
  22. 22. Fall in love
    24,444 people
  23. 23. be loved unconditionally, by a man I love
    1 cheer
    6 people
  24. 24. get laid
    1,693 people
  25. 25. Make more "real" friends
    1 entry
    148 people
  26. 26. find a true friend
    136 people
  27. 27. stop wasting time on the internet
    299 people
  28. 28. get taller
    1 entry
    422 people
  29. 29. Get A Life
    776 people
  30. 30. keep in touch with nature
    3 people
  31. 31. memorize a map of the world
    1 cheer
    15 people
  32. 32. Learn German and French
    22 people
  33. 33. read Les Miserables in French
    29 people
  34. 34. learn latin and ancient greek
    11 people
  35. 35. Learn to fluently speak all the romance languages
    20 people
  36. 36. learn Russian
    1 cheer
    2,437 people
  37. 37. Read Brothers Karamazov in Russian
    2 people
  38. 38. improve my vocabulary
    1,068 people
  39. 39. become ambidextrous
    866 people
  40. 40. fulfill my dreams
    20 people
  41. 41. write an epic
    11 people
  42. 42. come out of the closet
    1 entry
    292 people
  43. 43. grow an organic vegetable garden
    1 cheer
    7 people
Recent entries
come out of the closet
“Says he, `I am a handsome man, but I'm a gay deceiver.'” 15 months ago

As much as I would love to go through with this goal immediately, many things must happen and many people must be out of my life before I do so.

Because, you see, I like having a roof over my head and having warm meals to eat—all matters of survival; such things aren’t possible when my fundamentalist parents find out that their son is gay. I don’t know what would happen to me if I came out now, but I’m sure it would not end well.

Nay, first I would need to fall in love with another man, then move away to another city, state, or country with this said man.

And don’t get me wrong: it’s not that I regret being a homosexual, it’s that I regret how people treat homosexuals.



Become a better pessimist
A Fellow Pessimst once said... 15 months ago

“But, my dear sir, what in the world is romantic if your book isn’t? Can deep hatred against “the Now,” against “reality” and “modern ideas” be pushed further than you pushed it in your artists’ metaphysics? believing sooner in the Nothing, sooner in the devil than in “the Now”? Is it not a deep bass of wrath and the lust for destruction that we hear humming underneath all of your contrapuntal art and seduction of the ear, a furious resolve against everything that is “now,” a will that is not too far removed from practical nihilism and seems to say: “sooner let nothing be true than that you should be right, than that your truth should be prove right!” Listen yourself, my dear pessimist and art-deifier, but with open ears, to a single passage chosen from your book—to the not ineloquent dragon-slayer passage which may have an insidious pied-piper sound for young ears and hearts. How now? Isn’t this the typical creed of the romantic of 1830, masked by the pessimism of 1850? Even the usual romantic finale is sounded—break, breakdown, return and collapse before an old faith, before the old God … How now? Is your pessimists’ book not itself a piece of anti-Hellenism and romanticism? Is it not itself something “equally intoxicating and befogging,” in any case a narcotic, even a piece of music, German music? But listen:

“Let us imagine a coming generation with such intrepidity of vision, with such a heroic penchant for the tremendous; let us imagine the bold stride of these dragon-slayers, the proud audacity with which they turn their back on all the weakling’s doctrines of optimism in order to ‘live resolutely’ in wholeness and fullness: would it not be necessary for the tragic man of such a culture, in view of his self-education for seriousness and terror, to desire a new art, the art of metaphysical comfort, and to exclaim with Faust:

Should not my longing overleap the distance
And draw the fairest form into existence?"
[Quoted from Section 18]

“Would it not be necessary?” ... No, thrice no! you young romantics: it would not be necessary! But it is highly probable that it will end that way—namely, “comforted,” as it is written, in spite of all self-education for seriousness and terror, “comforted metaphysically”—in sum, as romantics end, as Christians..... No! You ought to learn the art of this-worldly comfort first—you ought to learn to laugh, my young friends, if you are hell-bent on remaining pessimists; then perhaps, as laughers, you may some day dispatch all metaphysical comforts to the devil—metaphysics in front! Or, to say in the language of that Dionysian monster who bears the name of Zarathustra:

“Raise up your hearts, my brothers, high, higher! And don’t forget your legs! Raise up your legs too, good dancers; and still better: stand on your heads!

“This crown of the laugher, this rose-wreath crown: I crown myself with this crown; I myself pronounced holy my laughter. I did not find anyone else today strong enough for that.

“Zarathustra, the dancer; Zarathustra, the light one who beckons with his wings, preparing for a flight, beckoning to all birds, ready and heady, blissfully lightheaded:—

“Zarathustra, the soothsayer; Zarathustra, the sooth-laugher; not impatient; not unconditional; one who loves leaps and side-leaps: I crown myself with this crown.

“This crown of the laugher, this rose-wreath crown: to you, my brothers, I throw this crown. Laughter I have pronounced holy: you higher men, _learn_—to laugh!”



stop planning and start doing.
Untitled 18 months ago

So far, I’ve been better about this, but I haven’t reached a satisfying point yet. I wish the internet wasn’t so fun. D:



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