I'm doing 5 things
My father hurt me. He hurt my sister, and the mother I love so much. I was only a child! He hit me, beat me, told me I was unwanted…and I believed him. I lost all of my happiness and tears to his rage. He’d come home angry, throw things at my mother and I, yell, I’d stand against him, and he’d show me again how much he loved to hate me. How he loved to hurt me. I was 2-6, but I remember. No one can forget what he did. When he was drunk or stoned, he’d put a metal spoon with holes in it under the hot water, then he would tear my skin apart with it. One whip with it, Two, Three… I still have the scars on my arms from trying to shield myself. After all that, even after we ran away to another state without him, he doesn’t care. I haven’t seen him in years, but I don’t care. I don’t want to see him, my sister does, so it bugs the crap outta me. I want to forgive him, he has gotten better, he didn’t hit me last visit…but should I forgive what he did? What do you think? Let him run, let him live, but do not forget what I cannot forgive…He stole my happy future. I can’t feel real happiness anymore, I’m too scared. Because of him I’m ashamed of my life, because it’s empty. Because of him I don’t know how to let anyone else in. I’m so afraid, what do I do?
