The internet; Charlotte was born before it really became popular, but then she grew up with it, so naturally she can’t imagine a time without it really. It can, at times, be a tool for procrastination, other times simply the vast amount of information can be overwhelming, it can definitely be addictive, and, obviously there are many pros and cons. The fact that you can be at home, any time – day or night – and have the opportunity to meet someone virtually and communicate. That’s pretty amazing, they could be miles away, and no one has to travel. Sure, there are people you don’t want to talk to, but sometimes you get talking to someone you really want to get to know... That’s what this story is about.
One day, Charlotte was on the internet, in her room. A usual thing. She actually wasn’t having a great day, for reasons irrelevant (infact it’d been quite a complicated few years in some ways) so she didn’t think anything particularly good would happen. Anyway; there she was on a website where you can message and chat to people, she happened across a particular profile, liked what she read and the pictures, so messaged the guy. He replied, and they got talking. His name was Elliot. They kept talking, throughout the night. It was a good conversation, he made her laugh, he was geeky, they had interests in common, and even a bit of flirting. Plus she found him very attractive. The next few days they continued chatting, and each time she liked him more. Seeing a message from him it made her smile, and even if there wasn’t always as much said, any was better than nothing. She knew she still didn’t know all that much about him, but what she did know she liked. She was aware that not everyone who seems nice is, she still now and again thinks about her ex, and how he hurt her when he left, all those months ago – and they didn’t even meet on the internet. However, she knew that if she tarred everyone with the same brush, closed herself off and didn’t give anyone a chance, she’d be lonely, and possibly miss out on something really good. She hoped this guy really is as nice/laid back/funny as he seems. She really wanted to keep chatting to him, looking at pictures and even one day meet in reality. She wanted to kiss him, hold him, know him better – know him in reality. He didn’t live in her city, though, so she knew even if anything did come of it, long distance can be hard (though his city wasn’t too far from hers). She didn’t want to rush anything, and she didn’t want to scare him off, it was obvious she liked him from a bit of flirting/chatting (she had said she found him attractive, though he had said the same) but she didn’t want to say she kept thinking of him and wanting him. She didn’t want to say out of all the people she had recently chatted to she wanted him the most. Although there was at least one other she had enjoyed chatting to but seemed to see him more as a friend, and a couple others she was happy to chat to but wasn’t sure how she felt anyway. A lot weren’t significant, and they probably knew that too. Almost a week, well several days, of chatting to him, she wrote this story.
I was sat here, very upset about a lot of things so then what do I do? Sit and look at picture, of him, and pictures I took when I was with him. I cried. First time I’ve cried in quite awhile thinking of him. I know it didn’t help, I don’t know why I looked at the pictures (well actually I was just online sorting things anyway, saw them and thought I’d just have a look). Obviously I’m not over him.
In other news, I had a dream about a crush again. Twice in a few weeks. Hmm. I know I can’t have him, but it just proves my subconscious thinks about him. Oh well.
Recently started watching Only Fools And Horses, and have become a big fan of him. So far watched series 1, an episode of Butterflies, an episode of Goodnight Sweetheart and started watching After You’ve Gone which I have on DVD, watched some of series 1 so far.
Started reading “The Wind in the Willows” by Kenneth Grahame. Haven’t read a lot so far, but will read some more.
I’d had a break from reading, didn’t realize it’d been so long – but it was actually ‘cause I watched a show called “Bringing Books To Life” that I felt like reading again.
So… I haven’t been thinking about this very much (him/memories/whatever) for quite awhile (EXCEPT on his birthday last Saturday, I probably shouldn’t have even remembered that it was, but I couldn’t help it). It was basically just playing “unhappy birthday” over and over, but knowing he probably had a “fantastic” day with his “oh so amazing” new g/f – why do I still think of her as NEW, they have been together longer than we were :O (who is NOT amazing btw, I am better and it’s a shame he couldn’t see that… I’m not just being jealous, at the start of their relationship she was mocking the fact that he chose her over me and disregarding my feelings completely, I wouldn’t have done that kind of thing, I never posted on his page anything negative about the ex I knew about, even though I was worried he still wanted her and plus he never left anyone for me). This is all progress, right? I mean that until right now, apart from a few days ago, I really wasn’t thinking about it much. However, I am not ready to say I’m done with this yet. Today I am feeling particularly low about it, I’m not 100% sure why, but my guess is I haven’t been having a great few days really (I won’t go into it). The last time I remember truly having fun was probably the night of my birthday when I managed to go out, to a show and then a club (OK aside from arguments with a few people earlier that day) and in the day when I listened to music/watched comedy/had nice food, that was the start of this month. It’s not all been bad, don’t get me wrong, and most of it actually isn’t anything to do with him – but then today I was just thinking I want things to be better, including being happier. Whether I like it or not, I was happy with him. It’s not him I miss, though. Not at all. Just “memories” of the him I knew. That’s what I miss, you know? It’s almost like I miss a character, that he created – that character was my b/f. He was a fictional character, but he was nice, he was attractive, we had fun together, for the most part. We never argued, even when I had some issues when he was seeming to be a bit aloof, or even that night he said he wasn’t over his ex, it just didn’t bother me – OK it did, but not too much, I still wanted him. I wanted him right up until he said he didn’t want me, even when I felt betrayed when I found out he’d lied, saying he hadn’t talked to his ex when he had. I guess those were the cracks showing, he was “coming out of character”, showing his true colours – an immature, mean, insensitive horrible little boy who shouldn’t really be pretending to be something he isn’t, but then he’d go back into character, we’d laugh together watching our favourite shows, we’d kiss, we’d stay in and have fun and we’d go out and have fun. It was never perfect… but being with him, it just usually seemed to help. It cheered me up. Thinking about it, maybe I made up the character – but he helped by acting like the character, mostly. Even when he left me I wanted him back (at the start), which is stupid, he upset me a lot. I was only with him 3 months, why did he have such an effect on me? I now haven’t seen him for longer than we were together, we’ve been broken up nearly 5 months (it will be in about a week). I met him nearly 8 months ago then. I don’t even know how things would have been if we had stayed together, but there’s no point thinking about what could have been. He stopped pretending to care, he moved on so quickly. I’m the one left behind. I still have good things, I still have my favourite shows, I still can stay in and have fun and go out and have fun (sometimes). Just not with him. Not with the character that one or both of us created for my happiness. If I’m a character in one of my favourite shows (HIMYM) then I feel like Ted, and I feel like he’s Robin (close enough to the name, I guess). It’s not that though, it’s just he has a hard time getting over her, but the differences are huge – they stayed friends, she’s actually a nice person (she just didn’t want to settle down at that time), they were together a year (and friends much longer)... plus I’m not an architect. ha. I’m trying to bring some humour into this though. Because right now, wrong or right, I am just sat here feeling low, confused, not great basically. I need to get myself out of this funk. I need to find a positive way to deal with these feelings, just sitting and wanting to find a time machine, or bring the character back to me, or get lost in imagination – well imagination can be good, I could be creative with it – but it won’t change anything. If, like Scroobius Pip, I could take negativity and make it inspire me – then that would be a positive. Other than that, I could just sit and laugh at my favourite shows, listen to my favourite music, by myself. I’m better than the character anyway. I hope that things will get better. Until then, I just wanted to write. Hoping it would be cathartic in some way.
Been a fan of him for ages, he’s very funny and attractive. Saw him live as a birthday present this year.
I now have all 7 seasons on DVD.
Today I watched some more episodes, finished season 3.
Do you playing games online? Which ones?
Do you like playing games on your mobile (cell) phone? Which ones?
Do you like video games? Which do you like?
What consoles do you have, if any?
Do you play computer games?
Would you classify yourself as a gamer?
What’s the last game you played?
What is your favourite comedy TV show?
Who is your favourite stand-up comedian?
Link to a funny video you’ve seen online?
What’s your favourite joke?
Got heartburn. Any tips to (hopefully) get rid of it naturally and quickly? Anything to definitely avoid? For example I’m not drinking alcohol or having any spicy food tonight.
Are you having any? Already had any? What’s your favourite pancake topping?
1. How old are you?
2. Can you name a fictional character that has been the age you are?
3. Can you name a song that mentions that age?
I’ve just had my 27th birthday a few days ago. I’m the same age as Ted Mosby was at the start of How I Met Your Mother. Can’t think of any songs though – do you know any?
I just checked and at the moment there are 5000 messages in the inbox. Deleted quite a few recently, I don’t know how it builds up so much. I won’t be able to read all of those, so I guess I’ll delete quite a few without even opening them if I’m to ever sort it! I don’t think I even sign up to all that many newsletters anymore, but go way too long without reading any.