OnTiptoe

The final hearing was anti-climatic… he didn’t even show for court. All of 15 mins and I’m divorced with full custody of the kids. Whew! So far he’s done nothing he was court ordered to do: visitation, provide me access to storage to get my belongings or pay child support. Still tryin to decide if it’s worth going back to court to seek contempt or not.

He still calls me late a night, drunk and asks for help. Don’t know what kind of help I can give. I just have to ignore him and hang up.

Still struggling some days, mostly with the resentment about being left caring for our kids alone. But, for the most part, I’m thankful I am divorced.

I finally got down to it in September. I filed for the divorce on the 27th. The summer was horrible, and I realized that I’ve been wanting to get rid of him for months. It came to a head with us very nearly losing our home( me and four younguns.) We stayed in a safe house for four days to avoid him and went to court to discover they were giving us a reprieve from eviction. Praise God! Had them change the locks and came home on the weekend to find that he had broken into the apartment. Got cops to escort us home safely. He left and didn’t come back again because I let it be known around the hood that I would call cops if he came around again.
I couldn’t get a restraining order, however, until filing for the divorce. I was unsure for a couple of weeks, until he kept calling me up and harrasing me about the children. After finding him outside at 10pm one night, drunk and crazy, this was enough. I went downtown the next day.

Now, we’re having “fun” with the court involved. Since he can’t speak to me, he’s harrasing my mother. Making threats to her about calling social services, and made a few calls to our social worker, or “anonymous” complaints to the abuse hotline. Silly, because if they took our kids away from me, he STILL wouldn’t get custody. There’s no way they’ll give him the kids while he’s still using, and refusing to get help for his addiction.

He’s complaining now that he has to pay a $1000. fee for the services of a Court Family Investigator. This person is like a GAL and custody evaluator. He was lectured last week by the judge for not paying the fees yet and warned it could mean contempt of court charges. We shall see. He was also instructed to make visitation arrangements with a supervising service in town. Haven’t heard anything more about this. He’ll make some more excuses about why he’s not doing this.

He is a classic victim in all things. Refuses to act on his own behalf or make necessary changes to make his life better and then decides that he’s been so victimized by everyone. It’s repulsive how he acts like a child in this. I’m so glad to be rid of that too. I would like to see him grow up for our kids sake, but I doubt it. So, I have to work harder to be the best mommy I can be.

We’re due in court again Tuesday to discuss child support, financial things and anything else. We’ll see how this all turns out. I hope maybe we can have the whole matter finalized by year’s end. New Year’s Eve would have been our fourth anniversary. I’m looking forward to what the new year will hold for us.

rpitts: Sure, I’d love to have a movie night out! Are you nearby? I’m a mile high! Go Broncos!

Wishing luck to all others here awaiting the court’s decisions.

Hi! I haven’t been on 43things in months! Don’t know where the time went. But, reading your writings here made me feel a bit sad and realize that I missed touching base with you.
I’m happy that your job is going well. I’m on the job search trail again, and hope to have some offers soon. Many interviews; two more scheduled tomorrow. So, something should come of all my efforts soon.
I think my cultivation of beauty ought to include a daily stop off at this page to see what others are cultivating for themselves.
My beauty today is my children. They are out of school for the next three weeks, as we have year round schedules. The weather contributed to a lovely playtime outside today and they were all so sweet to watch! Even seeing them make mud pies and “paint” with the mud was fun. Helps us remember that sometime we need to also cultivate fun and serendipity, by getting down and dirty! My little baby girl, almost three, all covered in mud and doing her “painting” was a beautiful thing to see!
God Bless you all today.