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Orafoura

I'm doing 43 things

I've done 0 things

Orafoura's Life List

1. I want to get Roger Federer’s face tattooed on my elbow, because if I get tennis elbow one day, I might as well have the world’s best tennis elbow.
2 cheers 1 person
2. I want to love unconditionally.
1 entry 1 person

3.

I want to have my eyebrows replaced with mini windshield wipers, to help dispense with the accumulated sweat on my brow after a long, hard day of internet browsing.

1 person

4. I want my body to have the muscle definition of the Oxford dictionary. But right now my body's as ripped as an online image of white space.
1 person
5. I don't want to see normal people holding signs advertising condos; I want to see a midget holding a billboard.
1 person
6. I want to write a poem about cheese and chess and finding all of life's answers written in red ink on the body of a sunburned albino.
1 person
7. I want to have teeth made out of the rubber in car bumpers, because if writers write, then dentists dent, and I have an appointment this Thursday.
1 person
8. I want to find the things in life that make me smile. Things like, oh, what are they called? Ah yes, cheek muscles.
1 person
9. I want to adopt a highway, but first I think my wife and I are going to try to have one of our own. I think I’ll name the oldest after my father, US 1.
1 cheer 1 person
10. I want her to know: It's not who "wears the pants" in the relationship that matters, but it's who's bringing home the strippers that's really important
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11. I don't want her back as much as you think I do.
1 entry 1 person
12. I want to write a book about teenage identity, and the struggles involved.
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13.

I want to register my hands as deadly weapons, and also get a concealed weapons permit for them. That way, I’ll have a great excuse for why I’m always walking around in public with my hands in my pants.

1 person

14.

I want to conserve water through alcohol consumption. If beer is made up of about 90% water, then we could conserve 10% of the world’s water by consuming eight glasses of beer daily, rather than drinking the recommended eight glasses of water per day.
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1 person

15.

I want to grow grass on my face instead of facial hair. That way, on really hot days, when my face gets sweaty and beads up with moisture like a sprinkler, I can spend my time wondering if the grass is really greener on the other sideburn.

1 person

16. I want to write a book called, "The Art of Raw." But instead of using my real name, I'll use the pseudonym, "Sun Tzushi."
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17.

I want to be Father Time’s stepfather, because I’d like to tell him, “Don’t tell me when it’s my time to go; you’re not my father. Hell, you’re not even my son, you ugly, long-bearded S.O.B. Now go to your room, you’re grounded for eternity.”

1 person

27.

I want to live in a land with no clocks, no watches, and no calendars. But I'm not sure I could fly there, because I have no idea what time my flight would land.
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1 person

30.

I want to start a group called, "Awareness for Werewolves." We won't care about the who, the what, the when, the why, or the how. But we will care about the Were.
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5 people

34.

I want scientists to genetically cross a cow with some broccoli, so I could eat a complete meal with roughly half the preparation time involved from cooking both the meat and broccoli separately.
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1 person

35. I want to mix my metaphors with vodka, for a more intoxicating effect on the reader.
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36.

I want to invent a number's name, and then have that much money. For example, the newly conceived number Kintzillion would equal 117.84, or the exact amount that I owe Grandmother.
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1 person

37. I want to save a million lives...in a jar in a cryogenic freezing chamber.
1 person

38.

I want to duct tape lettuce underneath my arms. Because then not only will I have the freshest armpits in town, but I'll finally be able to use ranch dressing as deodorant.
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1 person

41.

I want to take my pet to the vet, but no clinic in town will schedule an appointment for little Heinz, my pet bottle of ketchup. They leave me no choice; rather than watch him suffer, I guess I'm just going to have to eat him.
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1 person

42.

I want to steal one wheel of an eighteen-wheeler, and then spray paint a monosyllabic word on each of the seventeen remaining tires. It'll be my masterpiece haiku, which I'll call, "Truck Driving Me Crazy."
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1 person

43.

I want to get seventeen middle-school Japanese midgets together, give them each a t-shirt with one monosyllabic word printed on the front, and then take their group picture to form the world's most rambunctious haiku.
3 cheers

1 person

Recent entries

I want to honor Grandpa's memory.

Untitled 2 years ago

Grandpa always used to make me ride in the bed of his pickup truck, so he could keep up his conversations with the 100-pound sack of manure he kept buckled up in the passenger seat. Grandpa said all they ever talked about was grass, but I know Grandpa used to do a little flirting, too

Jul 07, 2007, 09:07PM PDT | 2 cheers | 0 comments

I want to write a book about teenage identity, and the struggles involved.

Untitled 2 years ago

I think every teenager faces the hardship of trying to fit in with their friends, even though some of their friends might have hairier chests than them, hang out on the street all night long, and might also be spayed or neutered.

Jul 07, 2007, 01:31PM PDT | 0 comments

I don't want her back as much as you think I do.

Untitled 2 years ago

Her attempts to woo me back were downright pathetic, if you want to know the truth. First she wouldn’t return any of my calls, and then she starts dating other guys. What’s next, a restraining order? Nothing says “I Love You” like having to get a court to order so that person A does not to get within so many feet of person B, just because person B knows they can’t stay away from person A, so they have others force them into distancing themselves from the relationship.

Jul 07, 2007, 01:31PM PDT | 0 comments

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