Pancemaster

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I'm doing 25 things
 

How I did it
How to stop picking at my skin
It took me
1 year
It made me
focused


How to decide on a major
It took me
4 years
It made me
Surprised


How to make a kakebuton cover
It took me
2 months
It made me
Comfy


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Recent entries
be less selfish
Selfishness.

Lately I’ve discovered and been told that I have been a selfish individual lately. This is affecting multiple areas of
my life, including my relationship. I’m going to use this article from Love Panky to help describe the situation.
SOURCE:
http://www.lovepanky.com/my-life/relationships/signs-youre-being-selfish-in-the-relationship

12 signs you’re being selfish in your relationship

Recognizing your selfish side isn’t the easiest thing to do, but there are a few cues that can help you see the traits and reflect on them. Use these 12 signs and find out if you’re being selfish in your relationship.

#1 Laziness. Are you usually excited to do something you enjoy? And if it’s something your partner wants to do that you’re not particularly excited about, do you get bored or restless easily and try to squirm out of it? It could be something as simple as a chore or shopping for clothes together. If only the things you enjoy excites you, but sharing your partner’s happiness from the things that they enjoy don’t matter to you, that’s a good sign that you’re a rather selfish person.

These are really difficult for me to write, and I want to be honest so that I can be a better person. Not going to lie, I’m lazy at times. I’m guilty of this. I don’t necessarily try to squirm out of doing things that my partner enjoys, though it might seem like it. At times I guess I do just ignore him or blow him off, though.

#2 Your partner usually gives in. Every time there’s a discussion about something to do or someplace to go to, do you usually end up getting things your way even if that means leaving your partner sad or less-than-happy? Your partner may give in each time because they love you unconditionally and want to see you happy. But it’s only a matter of time before they start to feel like their wants and desires are not addressed in the relationship.

Do I end up getting my way? More or less. We usually do things that I want to do. We go places I want to go. There are reasons behind some of those. As far as going places, we don’t have unlimited transportation- bus or borrowing a car. Only one of us has a driver’s license… What usually happens is we’ll want to do two different things. We’ll argue then he decides to do what I want to do, then I realize he isn’t happy about it, so I tell him we can do what he wants to do but it’s too late. It’s understanding that you can only give in so much with someone- my partner probably feels like his wants, needs and desires aren’t being addressed…

#3 You believe your partner nags you. Do you ever find your partner repeating the same things to you several times, little seemingly insignificant lines like “can you pick up the towel?” or “did you forget that…?” It could be irritating to hear your partner nag you all the time, but each time they nag, you need to realize that they’re not trying to annoy you, they’re only doing it because you aren’t listening to them. There are no naggers in happy relationships because both lovers try to keep each other happy, even if it means going out of the way once in a while. *

Nagging? Well, I guess that is one descriptor you can use to describe how he talks to me makes me feel: Nagged. I realize that I don’t always pay attention to him because I multitask and can’t do that and listen at the same time. I do forget things he says. I do contradict his instructions for things, or get his words wrong. It must be frustrating to have to repeat everything you say, especially to me, because not only do I not pay attention I also have a hard time hearing on occasion.

#4 You believe what you do in life is more meaningful and worthwhile. You may have a better job or get a bigger paycheck, but that doesn’t mean you should get preferential treatment in the relationship. If you truly believe that you’re more important and your opinions matter more, you’re being conceited and selfish.*
There is a bit of perceived superiority that I’ve developed between my partner and I. It really isn’t even significant if you think about it. I’m almost ashamed to say it. College education doesn’t make anyone better, or smarter, or much of anything else compared to another person. I don’t necessarily think that my life is more meaningful or worthwhile, though.

#5 Your partner is flawed. You see your partner as flawed and expect them to change for you *probably because you believe they aren’t good enough for you. Even if you have the same flaws yourself, you believe those flaws aren’t so significant in your case. A good example here is weight gain. You may want your partner to lose weight because you believe they look less-than-appealing right now. On the other hand, you may be obese, and yet, you may not believe you need to change or look better for your partner.

Do I see my partner as flawed? Possibly I guess. Sometimes I do hinder on his not-so-great traits. One other thing I am really trying to do is show more respect towards others, too. So what if he does this or that? Is it worth starting an argument over? I’m positive there are things that he finds I do or say are bothersome or less than perfect.

#6 You want it your way. You always like doing something your way or going to places you like even if your partner wants to do something different. If your partner coaxes you to do something else or go to a different place, you sulk or pout the whole while. And as soon as your partner gives in to your bidding and does what you say, you cheer up instantly and cozy up with your partner.Your partner may feel good at that moment when you display your affection to them, but on the inside, all they’d be thinking is just how much of a spoilt brat you are!

Yup. I do want it my way. Guilty. Guilty as charged. I do not like not getting my way, especially with him for some reason. It probably has something to do with number 7 but I’m not certain. It’s like I just can’t be happy for him. It’s disgusting to me. I disgust myself in being this way. Part of it is fear of trying something new or unfamiliar, or not fitting in, really. My partner and I are on the same “side” or rather, there is no “team” in things. No one has to be the bad guy or the good guy. We’re grown adults. Sometimes we do things for others because they want to do them and we have to support them in their endeavors. It’s what people do. The world won’t end if I don’t get my way. It’s just my reaction to it.

#7 Your ego. You believe that losing an argument is a sign of weakness. And you just don’t like losing an argument or ending a discussion that goes against your way. This is something you do, not just in your relationship, but in every part of your life.

Firstly, arguing sucks. Disagreements suck. But they both happen. It doesn’t have to get ugly, and I’m working on anger management to better curb this kneejerk instinct to go for the throat with arguing with my partner. Figuratively speaking, not literally. I KNOW that I don’t know everything. I know that he knows things that I don’t know. I don’t particularly like being told what to do. And I don’t particularly like being told “I told you so”. Or “You do know that, right?” I like to have a second to figure things out on my own, then ask for help MYSELF. It’s an ego thing, yeah.

#8 You can’t trust your partner easily. You love your partner, but you’re always cautious about trusting them completely because you sincerely believe that you’re the only one who can ever achieve happiness for yourself. Even if you’re dating a great guy or girl, you always look out for yourself first before looking out for your lover’s needs, because you think that’s what your partner would do anyway!

Trust is something I’m slowly trying to get used to. Would my partner look out for himself first before me? No. He would take a bullet for me. I would like to think that I would take a bullet for him. But he does make sacrifices to make me happy. I can’t say that I always do. Or if I do, they aren’t as big as his.

#9 You can’t be unselfish. You may try to put your partner’s needs before yours or try to be nice to them and love them unconditionally, but you just can’t bring yourself to it. You constantly find yourself trying to sneak in a better deal for yourself in everything you do with your lover, be it about the better piece of chicken or the bigger slice of pizza, or even something bigger like planning the itinerary for a vacation.

{color:red} I’m getting better at being unselfish. The first part of becoming less selfish is realizing that you’re doing it. It really bothers me and I want to change it. We do this thing where if we have something like a sandwich or piece of pizza to share, one of us will cut it and the other one will pick. It’s working out well. I’d never really thought about doing that and he learned it from having a sibling growing up. I was pretty much an only child and didn’t really have to share or compromise with anyone, so I didn’t get to practice. I’m guilty of wanting to sneak in a better deal for myself. It’s something that is petty and doesn’t matter. I don’t like that I do it and I’m going to work on it.

#10 Competitive. Being competitive is good, but there’s a thin line between healthy competition and unhealthy sacrifices. Would you put your own partner down or walk all over their plans just to win something for yourself? If you had an assignment or a lot of work, would you bat your eyelashes and sweet talk your boyfriend or girlfriend into dropping their work and fail at it just so you can do well in your own work?

This is something I also struggle with. I’m a bad sport. I didn’t grow up with a lot of competition, and my partner did. He had friends and stuff, and did sports and I didn’t. We struggle playing video games together because I can’t stand to lose or continually lose to him. I get grumpy.

#11 You don’t apologize. Do you get a hard lump in your throat each time you have to apologize to your partner? You may say you’re sorry very often when you don’t mean it or for trivial things, but when it’s something that really matters, do you hold yourself back or defend yourself even though you know you’re on the wrong? On the other hand, do you get angry or upset if your partner doesn’t apologize to you for a mistake they committed? You may not think much of this behavior of yours, but your partner would definitely think you’re selfish and conceited.

I do have a hard time being genuine in apologizing. Sometimes I will say it just to get off the conversation. Most of the time, though, I’m genuine. Lately it’s been very acidic to have to apologize. It’s weird. Sometimes, I’ll keep the argument going even though I’m wrong. It goes back to ego and not wanting to lose. It’s really immature.

#12 Emotional blackmail. Emotional manipulation is always a selfish low blow, however you look at it. Do you withhold sex, give the silent treatment or just ignore your partner when your partner doesn’t do something your way? Your partner may eventually accept defeat and come your way, but not without resentment and annoyance at the back of their mind. If you want something, communicate with your lover. Hurting your lover emotionally and manipulating them into giving in is a selfish way of winning arguments.*

I’m not sure if I do these things. After we argue, we try to come back together, be honest about our feelings and talk it out.



live a minimalist lifestyle
Burden

While I still live with my parents at this time in my life, I have seen what hoarding and disorganization can do to the psyche of someone.

I NEVER want to be a hoarder, or live owning countless possessions that serve no inherent purpose for being in my living quarters. Neither do I want to have so many things that I require a storage unit.

Currently, I am breaking up with my relationship with boxes. They are so terribly fun to have, but all they do for me is hide things I’m too scared to get rid of.

Right now, outside my bedroom door, I have a pile of stuff ready to go. It feels so good. It’s not a lot of stuff, it’s probably a trunk-full.

I’m not looking to live a lifestyle of having X amount of possessions, but I’m very ready to unburden myself of unnecessary things.

This past week, I’ve gone through my paperwork from childhood and grade school, high school and my own personal recreational artwork and purged my collection of papers. I only kept things that I liked, that I had good memories of, and seemed reasonable to keep. Everything else, I’ve tossed/recycled. It’s okay, though.

I’m sure this mortifies more than one person in my family of waste-not-want-nots, but I refuse to get to a point in my life where it seems like a sensible thing to collect things in hopes that one day I can sell them as collectibles.

It’s difficult, and I face pushback from others around me, but I’m persevering.



Lose Weight and Get Healthy (read all 14 entries…)
Well, that escalated quickly...

All I have to say is,

10 cupcakes on Super Bowl Sunday

I feel soooooooooooooooo…. shameful for that.

I went ham on those cupcakes. THEY DIDN’T STAND A CHANCE.

I’ve really got to go work out :(



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