I’ve improved a lot in the past months. Some of the things I do these days I never thought I’d be able to do. The “things” I’m on about may sound simple to others, but coming from 5-6 longs years of deep depression and agoraphobia (among other things), I’m proud of being able to do those “small things”. Such as getting a job, socialising with the people I work with, hell even just picking up the phone when it rings or making a phone call. lol I can’t believe I actually seem to be starting to have a life these days. I’m a lot happier and more confident.
I don’t spend my days crying anymore and when I smile or laugh these days, I actually mean it.
Of course I have to be careful, I sometimes feel like I’m just hanging from a thread. It all could collapse at anytime. I still get bad days, but at least now I think I figured out how not to let bad days slip into bad weeks, bad months and bad years…
I think I’m just overall taking care of myself a lot more and learning to be selfish and not care, because after all (as bas as it may sound) it’s the only way to get through this stupid life happy.
Still a lot of work to do, but definatly getting better.
2 cheers | 2 comments
No matter how hard I try to live despite this neverending depression, I get the feeling no matter what I do, none of it is orchestrated by me.
I’ve really been trying hard and I’m proud of lot of things I’ve accomplished recently, but yet still everything feels out of my control. Wether good or bad. It’s like I’m not involved in my own life.
I watch my life go as if it was a film. I’m like a spectator when really I should be an actor.
It’s quite scary to not feel like you’re choosing the turn your life is taking. I know you can’t ever have complete control or that would be boring, but you need to have your say, right? You can’t just let situations happen and people walk all over you as if you had no choice! That’s what I’ve been doing. for too long. and it’s like WOW where the hell have I been all along?
Who the hell has been driving me around while I’ve been hiding in the backseat?
2 comments
since I posted anything on here.
I think this depression is getting more and more under control. Never thought I’d see the end of it (and the end is not here yet, mind you) but it’s definitely getting nearer.
I feel like I’m finally facing up to a lot of my fears. For example I got a job, trying to socialize more, putting my focus onto overcoming social phobia which in turn would ease my depression so much, I’m looking into forming a band, joining courses, etc. It’s been extremely difficult, but it’s rewarding at the same time. Though it sometimes make me feel like complete and utter shit, I try to focus on how good it’ll feel when I finally overcome all these problems.
I couldn’t keep focusing on the wasted years as it just made me waste more time and so now I’m trying to put all my efforts into building a new life for myself. I always said I wanted to do this, but never really knew where to begin so it never happened. but now I feel like I’ve begun and will definitely give it my best shot and carry on until I’ve got what I want. :)
2 cheers | 0 comments
I'm doing 41 things
