i have the flu and it’s hard to lose weight when i am sick, but i went for a walk to the park today and did a 30 min yoga video something about yoga for success? i have gaiamtv now so i can do unlimited yoga videos as well as other exercise videos and watch other inspirational and new age movies if i want.
idea: throw away the rest of the chocolates
trying to keep a food journal and go on sparkpeople more.
at 149 which is pretty good. but i think i’ve lost muscle tone and gained fat. i want to work on toning exercises, get back to going to yoga once a day. (or a few times a week) and walking further. if i can do the long loop with baci and do yoga 3 times per week i should be ok. i can do zumba classes too.
and no processed food and lots of veggies, and juice. and lentils every day.
to do: take baci for walk. go to gym. throw away all junk food (clean out refrigerator) plan healthy meals.
I’m trying to use sparkpeople more. it’s hard during the holidays, the normal routine is disrupted, more drinking, more sweet and starchy foods, more sitting around talking, and less exercising. I tried to get my exercise in, as best i could.
got some money as a xmas present. should pay off credit card and then spend the rest wisely. buy cheap food (mostly vegetables)
going to write on sparkpeople more. drink a lot of water. go to the gym. go to tango tomorrow. try to get f to practice tango and go to the gym too but if he won’t do some other kind of exercise.
go to sleep early ish and get meds in the morning.
ate waaaay too much chocolate today. basically chocolate binge. cake, and then a lot of candies. feeling sick.
basically a chocolate binge. and forgot to get my medication. and now f is yelling at me and i don’t know what to do. cannot think. maybe can get my meds by 9pm? i don’t want to go out though.
mom might give me money as a xmas present.
like i said we had a fight. i dont’ know what to do now. we’ve been together one year, so maybe we’re at the point where the relationship gets a little more difficult, things get more serious and significant decisions need to be made. where to live, whether to get married,
got in a big fight with f last night (a huge fight, maybe our biggest so far) because i want to get married and i also want to buy a different house than his small dark condo, and my mom has offered to give us a couple thousand to invest in a bigger house. however he doesn’t want to move to a bigger place, he only wants to take the money to pay off his condo he is already living in (which i don’t want to do). he then said a lot of hurtful things about my mom, like she is very rude and has no social skills and stuff like that. i know she is too blunt and overly honest but he said it in a really hurtful way. i don’t know if i want to live in this condo my whole life and
right now it’s 8am on a sunday and i’m sitting in bed listening to him snore really loudly. i think my sleep is suffering which affects everything else especially with my bipolar, where sleep is one of the number one tools for management.
i don’t know what i should do. i am scared i won’t be happy in his condo, but i am scared to break up, i remember how i fell apart last time i broke up with my ex (he dumped me) but f said some pretty hurtful things. a lot of it was because he was hungry i think but some of that stuff… and he said i was too dependent on her but then i said well i can try and get a job, but he said i should not. i don’t know.
maybe he’s right, maybe we can’t afford a bigger place, but i think if we put the money down then we could.
and then as i get older, will i be able to meet someone? who knows. and will i ever have kids or get married? now i’m starting to wonder. maybe not. f gave me this diamond engagement ring which i thought meant we were getting married but now i don’t know any more and i just feel so sad.
the worst part is that i don’t know for sure how he feels about me. i got upset with how he was talking about my mom last night and how we couldn’t afford the house and how he didn’t want to take her help and then i just wanted to leave so i started walking out the door and he didn’t try and stop me or anything he just said it would be nice to be alone for a night. and then he said he would drive me because i said i was too upset to drive.
later after dinner he changed his mind and i changed my mind but i am still really upset about it.
take meds. do meditation.
i need to buy oatmeal.
plan for today: eggs and broccoli for breakfast, (and tomatos)
leftover pasta w/ shrimp and spinach salad
dinner: stir fry (early and don’t eat after 7)
remember i don’t always have to eat when f eats.
up to 154 really on the scale. i should get my period soon but i want to get into the habit of exercising twice a day and eating healthy meals.
i am planning on going to the gym this morning with f. i also want to get back into keeping the food journal, so i will write that down tonight before bed.
I thought I was managing my life ok but i got really screaming mad last night. i have been taking my medication so i don’t know what the problem is. i haven’t been in therapy lately though, maybe that’s part of the problem.
f said i was aggressive and that he wanted me to move back to santa cruz. i don’t know if he’s serious, we talked about it afterwards and he said i didn’t have to… but i am worried about myself.