PhishGurly07

I just started attending music festivals 2 years ago… when I started dating my boyfriend. He had been on tour with Phish… so he knew alot about them. I was apprehensive at first… just because it was unknown terrian for me.. but once I went.. I was hooked! I love how everyone is so kind, open minded and accepting of any situation. I also loved the music… and the dancing! Oh… and the vender food.. Ive been craving it since I was at The Gathering of the Vibes Festy outside NY. I currently live in West Virginia… and although it is usually quite redneck and consivertive.. with nothing to do.. I am prod that it does host a huge and one of my fave fesys called The All Good Festival! Its in the middle on nowhere.. like the waiting line to get in is about 3-4 hours.. buts it gets about 25-30,000 people at it… No cops…(lol I knew this when we were driving in and heard the wheeze of a nitrius tank in the woods…) nothing but mountains… its awsome! If u guys are EVER this way, I suggest u make the trip! Trust me, u wont be disapointed! Best of luck achieving this goal… Im already planning out my schedule for this summer! Be safe on ur travels.. take care and Jah bless! ;-)

Usually when the semester starts… I get financial aide… which means students get about 2,000 or so in whihc to use for housing, books ect. It may seem like alot… but the fact that just a small apartment around campus costs 500 dollars a month as well as text books cost anywhere between 300-500 bucks the money goes.. and it goes quickly. Although, anything thats left from that… I am quilty of spending on clothes, getting my hair professionally dyed… ect. It neds to stop!! Its like I have a shopping addiction! Recently, I havent been going to the mall… or anywhere for that matter because Ive been so busy with the first week of classes… however… Ive managed to shop over the internet… and spend 400 bucks at victorias secret.com! Im already in debt up to my eyeballs… Ive got 2 credit cards maxed out.. not to mention once I graduate Ill have to pay back my student loans. Oh, I also owe money on my kohls and jcpennys cards too! Im going crazy worrying agbout this! I wish they taught a class on student budgeting! I just hope to God I get a high paying job when I graduate… my credit… and life… is depending on it! But its not like Im a high maintence girl either… I always feel like everyone around me can blow money like it grows on trees… getting new stuff everyday and going to the bars every night. I never go out…I hardly ever eat out… so where does it all go!? I guess they just have rich parents… Im sooo envious… but u know.. I hafta work hard in life… so Im thankful I dont live on daddy’s cash…being poor has taught me how to mjake it on my own in life… I just wish I could manage the little bit of income I have better!!

Hey there, I have suffered from my eating disorder since I was 14 years old. My father used to pinch my love handles and joke about my baby fat. He also liked to control me in as many ways as possible… like beat me when Id go against what he wanted, belittle me… ect. I really feel like he is one of the many factors that contributes to the problems I am still facing today. I had severe aneroxia and bulimia nervousa as well as an addiction to diet pills and laxatives… and when I had to start eating because of my heart complications from having lost so much weight, I started developing my pinge and purge stage. It is so hard to talk to people who have never had an eating disorder because people dont understand why Id do that to myself, or why Id actucally feel relieved when I binged and purged. I really do feel that with me it was about controll because my food intake and restriction was the only thing that I cound handle without being under my fathers power. Anyhow, I am now at a healthy weight, which I think is the hardest thing to deal with after having been so small to becoming normal sized. I still find myself constantly worrying about my caloric intake and I sometimes relapse into a purge. However, that is very rare and is usally when it seems everything in my world is falling apart. Before my eating disorder, I used to always think that pple that had them had to be selfish and stuck up girls and guys… untill I developed it. Now I realize it is a sad disease… and just like with any addiction… it will be a constant battle day and night. One just has to learn to deal with those thoughts in their heads… when they feel that they may relapse… be around people and tell them! I feel talking is the BEST way to handle the temptation to relapse. I am now in college… and it seems that way less people have it than at my high school. That is somewhat more conforting… but its hard because theres noone to talk to whos been through what Ive been through. I had a friend who has recently developed it, shes a ballet dancer… and shes completely in denial. When I hear her talk about how big her cloths are getting on her… and how she just cant ever eat “its her stomache… it always hurts” I sometimes get angry, jealous and at the same time I realize how crazy I sounded when I would go go off on the “Im fat” tangents. One sad thing that has helped me through dealing with this is that she really liked a guy that my BF and I were friends with. Before I knew she ahd a problem.. we tried to get them together. She fell head over heels hor him… but for him it was quite the contrary. He told my BF and I he just had no psyical attraction to her… he didnt want to feel ribs and a sterum when he hugged a girl. He didnt like the fact that she didnt even have a womanly face because the fat had even been starved from that aera. I know it sounds rude and terrible but he is right… guys arent attracted to a girl who looks like a boy! His comments did anger me… yet they made me feel good that guys dont want those stick figures in magazines! ANyways, when I lived at home and when I was in high school… I felt like I was lying to the world… my friends, family, and those who loved me. Even though they figured out the whole ordeal… and eventually caught on to my little tricks like always going the restroom after I ate a meal to spitting up food in my napkins while I pretended to be whiping my mouth. We had just bought a new house… and the smell of vomit overcame the smell of fresh paint and new leather furnature… I also clogged the toliet and sink lines so many times they are having trouble with that till this very day. When I moved out and off to college… it had its pros and cons associated with my eatng disorder. First off, there is noone there to watch you… to be suspicious of you… so restricting, excersizing, and binging and purging is something u have to get a grip on… because only u will know your doing it. Lets admit it… even when we are discovered… we will lie ourselves out of it… of find another way to get around it… like instead of puking in the restroom… well go to the closets of our bedroom, well say we have the flu…. ect. But its also helped because Ive been away from my father and the abuse… so I dont have as much stress and need for my own self control. Even though the worse of my disorder is over… I still have the harsh evidence that an ED leaves behind. Ive been in and out of the hospital during college due to kidney infections. Becasue I was always dieting… the lining around my kidneys disappeared along with my weight loss. I also still have facial hair…. which I have to pluck and wax all the time… and which I never had before the disorder. Also, my teeth are shifting and the guns and roots always hurt when I eat because of my constant vomiting… the acid of my stomache juices ate away at my gum line and although I had braces and a perfect set of teeth… the constant purging had shifted the teeth and their messed up their straightness. I also still heave heart problems because all of my organs were losing their protective layers from the starvation. I even have somache pain and ulcers from abusing laxitives and puking for such a long period of time. ALso, the prolonged use of diet pills certinly didnt help my health. Not to mention… that was another addiction in itself to hafta overcome. Also… the fact that I have a misdemenur is proff of the horrible outcomes of ED. I got caught shoplifting from WAL Mart… and guess what I stole… a bottle of hydroxycut (diet pills) and ex lax (laxative pills)... talk about embarassing! I just did it because I knew my mom wasnt gonna buy it for me.. she knew I didnt need that crap… I even knew I didnt need it… but the ED and its thoughts came into my head and said I was going to gain weight if I didnt take those! So… my ED has caused my formally spotless record to now have shoplifting on it. I mean, although I wish I had never had an ED, there is one positive outcome… I found that I wanna and can help those who also suffer from such psychological disorders. I wanna become a psychologist and help those like me. I think Ill make a wonderful one because I am proof that u can overcome the disease… and do the things u want to do. I also know their little tricks and behaviors by heart… and I have a better understand of why they constantly hurt themselves and their families because I have been there. And when u are overcome by something as powerful as and ED… it takes away your soul… it seems… and u becomed consumed by the disorder completely! Although I know its arguable, I feel like even if u go throguh treatment and stay well and ED free… it will always be there in the back of your mind… I mean after all it seems the media promotes it these days! U just hafta learn to fight the batttles in your head. Talk to real guys… theyll tell u that thin girls are not attractive. Beyonce and JLO are prime examples of a sexy healthy curvy body. They are icons and sex symbols.. so once u start gaining weight back… praise your curves. I know that since Ive started eating again and have made it past the difficult years… I get way more attention from guys because of my nice boobies and booty~ ;) I know u are afriad of becoming fat… but trust me… dosnt it suck to hafta avoid going out because ur afriad youll end up facing food!? Dosnt it suck that u cant really acompolish your goals because of the ED? Dosnt it just make u wanna scream that although we are free people… u arent becasue u are a slave to an eating disorder? ALso the fact that u constantly lie to those u love and that u are hurting them by making yourself sick? I know itll be a hard one to fight… but u guys can make it. Like I said earlier… the best help is being with others. I know thats hard too because u dont want people to judge your body and u dont wanna hafta compete with or stress out from looking and compairing yourself with others, but u need to make yourself do this anyways. Also, be honest! Tell someone when the thoughts are rushing in your head that you are fat or that u need to puke. That way u have a counseling and therapudic bond by communication and they can whatch over u in your times of need. Life and food is very precious. U need to enjoy it because people die way to young everyday. If u let ED control your entire existance… u will miss out on so many beautiful things in life. GOd, I wish I could take back those 4 years I was consumed by my ED…. I missed high school for goodness sakes! Please… if u are in denial.. the first step is accepting that u have a problem. So I applaud u guys for even listing this as a goal. Ur on the right path…. I know and have faith that youll make it. If u need someone to talk to… Im here… If u feel a relapse coming on… Im here. If u need anything at all… conmtact me! I want u to fight it… fght it everyday as it were cancer… fight to get your life back… fight for others who have it too,fight for it so your family and friends can have YOU back, and very importantly,
fight for those who have died from it… God rest their souls. DO NOT let it get that bad… and take yours as well. You are worth it… you are worth living… Life is such a precious gift… so get help and move on so u can ejoy it to its fullest! Good luck and God bless to each and every one of u. I have faith, and know, that u that u can kick ED in the ass for good! Take care. :-)