Pseudonyme

49. Riding my bike during the summer
48. Torrents
47. Museums
46. Japanese straight hair permanent
45. Conan O’Brien
44. Louis CK
43. Cute babies/kids
42. Free stuff (eg. samples)
41. Sunsets
40. “I like poetry and a nice bottle of Scotch” (Quoting silly movies)

It’s strange how much change can occur within a month, a few days, a day, even a single hour.

I just re-red some of my entries on this goal and I don’t feel like I wrote them. Well, what I mean is that I don’t recognize the state of mind I was in when I wrote them… I don’t miss him right now. I haven’t for the past 3 days. I still feel some anger and disappointment but all-in-all… I don’t care anymore. It’s more like, I can’t remember what I miss exactly, I don’t miss the person he is now. I miss or missed, the person he used to be when we were “in love” and when we called each other “friends”.

I’ve been happy lately and sometimes I wonder if he is too. Then I just shrug the question off and go on with my day. I don’t want to feel any resentment towards him and I’m working on that. He was never bad to me (on purpose), he had his emotional issues and I let them get to me at times. But I know, he never ment to hurt me.

The weird thing is, that I cared about him SO much and I tried to take care of him and put him first… always (even after he broke up with me). I tried to do everything and anything not to hurt him and to make sure he was happy that I started losing sense of myself. It was unhealthy but I don’t regret it, I feel like he needed it and I know that I would want someone to take care of me like that when I feel abandonned, alone and broken. But the emotional drainage left me is such gloom.

Now I don’t even want to see him again… I wish him luck and happiness but I want nothing to do with it.

I grew up speaking spanish at home, going to french schools while having anglophone friends.

I don’t feel like I can speak any of these 3 languages with eloquence. I constantly switch back and forth and end up mixing them and never truly perfecting any of them.

• I went to a french elementary school and a french high school
• I’m currently attending an english University
• I often only spoke in english to my ex-boyfriend
• When I visit family, I speak to them in spanish
• I always speak english with my brother
• My best friend is french
• I grew up speaking spanish to my parents until I was about 12.. then I started mixing all 3 languages
• At work, you have to be able to speak both, english and french
• I’m currently living with my grandmother who only speaks spanish

I want to expand my english vocabulary for now…

New words

Paradigm (n):1. One that serves as a pattern or model.
2. A set or list of all the inflectional forms of a word or of one of its grammatical categories: the paradigm of an irregular verb.
3. A set of assumptions, concepts, values, and practices that constitutes a way of viewing reality for the community that shares them, especially in an intellectual discipline.

Asinine (adj): 1. Utterly stupid or silly
2. Of, relating to, or resembling an ass

Idiosyncrasy (n, pl.): 1. A structural or behavioral characteristic peculiar to an individual or group.
2. A physiological or temperamental peculiarity.
3. An unusual individual reaction to food or a drug.