PsychoEmperor

Every time I stress I always had stomach issues. From the Tim I can remember, I never bothered with head aches, nausea, colds or flus, whenever I called out sick it was always do to stomach issues.

I came to the emergency room last night cause I just couldn’t sleep and the pain was killing me and I just had my appendix removed… Apparently you don’t need those lol.

I might have a stomach ulcer as well, I have yo go for another test after I recover from this operation. I need to stop stressing and eat better. I eat too sporadically. Sometimes eating a lot, sometimes very rarely eating, I recently started drinking soda and coffee which I never drunk before so I’m sure that had sometime to do with it.

I’m in the hospital an they won’t let me go, I told them I’m fine but they don’t believe me cause I can barely get out of bed… But once I’m out of bed I can walk around just fine… As long as you leave my stomach alone :)

So I’ll be flying up to england in december for christmas, and she’ll be flying back with me to america for teh New Year! and this time it’s permanent! She has her visa already, and our wedding date is March 12th, 2011, one year from our engangement, and two years from dating(easy to only have to remember one date lol)

I’m really excited about it, we’ve spent alot of time together, but this wil be the first time it’ll be permanent… crazy right? I just hope I can keep her happy… i have a tendency to be a perfectionist, which I value greately as a self improvement tool, but can really become quite combersome if I refect my ideals on others. Hopefully i can continue to improve and accept my lady for the perfecty little queen she is.

I’m really excited for this new year… 2011… It’s gonna be a roller coaster i’m sure, and I’m not sufferign from any dellusions of “living happily ever after’ lol but I just hope i can at least keep her happy for the most part, and when I’m mad or she’s mad, As long as we work it out together, that’s allt hat matters right? :)

But yeah… I”M SO EXCITED!!! I can’t freakon wait!

I have a huge tendancy to be extremely blunt in my life, which more often than not I view as a good thing, but I feel i’m too hard on my little lady. I want to make her feel like she is the perfect lady i know and feel she is. I feel like when I point out thigns I don’t like or might not be too pleased with, she takes it extremely personal. I often find myself saying things like “it’s not that big of a deal” or “I’m just saying it, it’s not a huge issue” but than I feel like of course she’s goign to take it personal, i’m the love of her life right? why shouldnt’ she…. Idk maybe If it isn’t that big of a deal, I just shouldnt’ say anything?

It’s somethign a struggle with, part of me says “Be 100 percent h onest with everythign adn tell her everything” which includes everythign that might upset me, or make me a little upset and just b ehonest, adn we could talk about it”no big deal” but It’s just not that easy in practice. i feel she does take it personally… and than part of me feels like just not saying anythign at all… but I just dont’ want to hold the little things in cause than they will build up and become huge you know?

Idk… maybe their is a way to make it clear that they aren’t HUGE issues and i’m just letting her know to be open with her? but it’s also in the way I speak… if it’s a huge issue or a small issue, for the most part i say it in the same way. I always speak with such convection and strength that i’m sure it must come off like it’s a huge issue everytime.

I also find myself saying words like “always’ and “never” which I dont’ really mean in that way and just take for granted that she would know that, when I shouldn’t do that… if I mean “I feel liek a lot of the time…” I should just say that right? instead of saying always?

Idk lol… I’m goign on and on… Basically i want to find a way to be able to be hoenst wtih my little lady about the way I feel without hurting her feelings so bad all the time… I love her with all my heart and she is my world… I see so much strength in her, like she can take on the world, but I have to remember that through all her strength, she’s still my delicate little flower, and I have to treat her with the same sensitivity and compasion she deserves.

I love my litte Flower, adn she is Perfect, adn I want to make sure she ALWAYS feels that way :)