PurpleBeans

I have no hang-ups with my ex. We split up 3 years ago. We have a son together. He is a controlling man, using his parental responsibility to control me. He is taking me to court to stop me from moving with my son, 100 miles or so up the road.

My final court hearing is in February.. I have been waiting 7 months so far to move. I am getting very impatient.

When I do move, I will feel so free. It will be a new lease of life for me. It will be fantastic.

Just this court thing to go through.

And so far, it’s been really messy. My 3 year old son isnt taking it too well. In fact, his behaviour is dramatically changing. It’s best for him if he is no longer put through this. Which is one BIG reason I need to move away. sigh I’m just trying to do the best by my son. I cant live under my exes control any longer and my son cant be in the middle of it for the rest of his life.

My partner’s family live in Singapore. My partner speaks Malay. I don’t speak a word of it. And I have also learnt that there are a few versions of the Malay language. Well.. it’s my goal to one day be fluent. I am only fluent in English at the moment, it would be a fantastic achievement if i can do it. And impressing the in-laws aint so shabby either ;-)

Wish me luck

..ok, so I want to stop arguing with my partner. Easy enough, right? Not! Especially when there are some heavy trust issues I need to combat. Again, easy enough? Not unless you are completely immune to all emotions including resentment, jealousy and paranoia. It’s something I need to get over if me and him are to continue our relationship without the arguing. But he needs to help me, considering he is the one who has put me in the frame of mind where I am constantly resentful and paranoid. I wont go into detail, that’s not for here. The first thing I have to do is review our relationship and work out why I got with him in the first place. That’s certainly easy enough. I love the man. There is no questioning that.

So now I have thought it through and figured out what keeps us going (again, I wont go into detail) I now need to figure out what triggers the arguments. Once I have figured that out, I need to work through it with him, talk with him about what goes through my mind when I begin to feel angry or any of the above negative emotions.

I came up with a simple plan. I have started a personal diary, a chance to write down all my feelings without having to tell him.. venting my frustrations out on paper if you like. He is allowed to read this diary whenever he wants. And he does. It helps him to understand what I am going through, because usually, in a fit of rage, when trying to explain to him what I am feeling, we tend to argue. Not good.

Using this diary, we will sit and talk about things in a more calmer mood, and help each other to detect the signs of an argument brewing. Here, we can cut the argument off at the neck, and instead talk about it. I really hope this goes to plan. It’s all about communication.. and these issues have really put a wall where our fantastic communication used to lie.