QuarterLifeCrisis

Ok, so I have been trying to do this but it’s been hard. I am not going to be super strict with myself on the whole “everyday” thing…but the good news is that I took a step forward on this by getting the blog that I wanted to get going—going.

but when you can see the humanity in someone, it’s much easier to be their friend. They have insecurities, traumas, joys, mothers, siblings, pets—just like you.

So, we have been trying but nothing too high pressure. Today I went to the doctor for a sinus infection and for no apparent reason, I fell apart on the poor guy.

Crying and sobbing.

It was really pathetic.

I guess I realized that I just was trying to not get too emotionally invested in the process because it wasn’t working and I realized that it has been a year since we started TRYING and 3 years without birth control consistently. It’s obvious that something isn’t working and I think I am secretly afraid that I am just barren. Talk about ultimate denial.

But, the good news is that I confronted the issue and talked to the doctor about it not “working”—he gave me a referral to a FANTASTIC infertility specialist and so I feel like that is one step in the right direction.

In any case, I have to believe that this is all in the “plan”. My husband will be graduating from law school and starting a job he is excited about, we are moving back to our home state, we will be financially secure, I will have my B.A. (finally), and we can put down roots.

On top of that, I have been in counseling (a free service through my university) for the past four months. I decided to take advantage of it because I think most people should at some point in their life. I just don’t want to be a parent with emotional baggage that I pass on to my children. I have made HUGE strides and overcome some MAJOR issues—some I didn’t even know I had. I feel really ready to be a parent: emotionally healthy and available.