Cam

So i went to a kegger this weekend dressed as a vampire in the most beautiful gown ever that i wore to homecoming and that just happened to fit with the costume perfectly. Im not social Ive just decided to except it dont get me wrong i like people sorta but im just not the overenthusiastic happy-go-lucky type. Its just not me. One after another people would come along and ask me if im having fun as if i needed a smile plastered on my face to make that clear. I tried to get drunk but failed miserably. I useto be social in high school back when i was 15 when i would drink but im 23 now and my brains more tolerant i guess. I watched my old friend from high school go around from person to person group to group chatting and laughing having fun making conversation with everyone and i thought it must just be a natural thing some people got it others like me with S.A.D. dont. And i really envied her how great and freeing it must feel to be open with everyone. I can only talk easily with people i know, friends and family and such. And thats just how i am. It felt so obvious that i was the black sheep at the party I think if i was a guy noone would care being reserved would seem more normal but because im a girl whos not fat or someone who looks like they should be reserved it seems obvious that somethings different about me or wrong with me and everyone takes notice suddenly i feel like Lisa, bright and dark. (thats a book by the way.)

I met scott just a week ago but im already keen on this guy. We’ve talked like crazy throughout everyday since and hung out almost everyday. Its so weird the way we connected i had no idea there was someone who lived just a few streets down who I would click with. Hes nothing like the average guys ive known which is awesome. Last night we went to the park and saved a cat from being dinner to two coyotes it was awesome. Im so glad i didnt have to watch nat.geo in person and especially not with a cat. Yesterday he had a day off so we spent the whole day together.. We have yet to find the flaws in eachother. Its great to have a best friend again.

But i dont know how to edit that. oh well. So for the last five years my migraines screwed me by evolving into a neuromuscular disorder, making it worse and more serious than ever before and it was already really bad to begin with. Why is it as soon as you think things cant any worse they do? You dont even think that its physically possible and thats when it happens. When the neck pain started it was strange, i just figured i must have slept wrong or pulled a muscle but it never went away and it was teaming up with my migraines and was just as painful. I first saw a physical therapist and then chiropractors, bio-feedback, i tried acupuncture and then many neurologists everyone had a different opinion about what it was and what was causing it. Bad posture was one of the biggies. I was even told once i had what was called neck migraines which made sense to me at the time.

Five years went by and i still didnt know whats causing the pain and how to treat it. As a result i apply for disability. Im 23 and i cant work or go to school im a really big burden to my parents. Finally by going online i find out the doctor i really need is a Rheumatologist. I make an appointment at my local hospital with the neck specialist. I have an mri and x-rays but all he sees is some straightening at the top of my spine which doesnt usually cause pain. So I end up at physical therapy again. He tells me i need to give it a try before any intensive procedures. It didnt work ofcourse and when i went back which was last week he referred me to get cortisone injected into my spine. Cortisone injections are serious stuff you can only get it every three months because they can fuck up your internal organs. You have to sign a paper saying your family wont sue them if you die. It was pretty funny to see in the same list of side effects like seizure and death they had hiccups. What was neat though was that i was set up to an xray machine throughout the procedur so the doctor could see precisely where he was doing the injection. For someone with a low pain tolerance it can be pretty painful but your given an IV which helps alot, most likely if your getting that type of procedure your useto pain already anyway. Its only been a week but the results ive had are phenomenal. Ive had a little bit of pain now and then but its went down from a 7-10 to a 2-4 pain scale. But it has to last three months to be worth it, so im still on a waiting period. If you dont have insurance which i dont it can be really expensive. 600-900 just for 3 months but its completely worth it so far. If you have neck pain i highly recommend this atleast as a last resort.