RTfreebird

i am about to drop the class. i study for hours and i just cant pass the exams!!

I want to stop crying. i havent really been on here since nine months, and what a crazy mess of change since then. for those that listen to this pity party, or those who wont but instead want to inspire or help, here goes. the love of my life that is always mentioned has become such a twissted love. i tried to save him from the world of drugs and alcohol but instead of being able to keep off of them i am reminded every now and then how i made him stop and how he would not mind doing them every once in a while, which breaks my heart. i have been in and out of relationships for years and i am his first serious relationship. i wish he could just be hopefull toward the future instead of missing the past. i went a year without my dad. he dropped me off the face of the earth reguarding money for college, so i paid my way through community college and delt with my 18 year old truck and living with my mom instead of the new truck and university that i have been offered and plan on attending since middle school. i cannot help but cry when i see all my friends that are enjoying the real college life in dorms and parties and all kinda of activities at the school they got into all over the country. i love my mom more than anything but i just want to be in that world so bad it burns. my old rusty truck keeps breaking down and gas is getting outrageous, i tried to finance a newer used vehicle myself but all attemps failed. God is my savior and i love him so much i just wish he would speak to me a little more. i am feeling so lost and lonely. the only friends i really have is God and my mom and my dogs which i would not trade for anything. for anyone who took the time to read this thank you so much for your time. for anyone would would inspire me or smile, god bless you and thank you sooooo much. Have a great day.

I went to Austin with the boyfriend for Marley Fest… Most amazing weekend of my life! I had so much fun just parking in a random neighborhood across from Auditorium Shores and just walking around the whole city on foot, exploring and what not. Its such a different town full of such interesting people and things and houses! Nothing like anywhere else Ive been. Definately going to ACC in a year and renting a house across from Auditorium shores!