Rain42

so i finally went to the doctor, who ended up sending me to three other doctors/specialists. But i finally found out that there is nothing seriously wrong with any of the things i was worried about. I got a journal project from one doctor who wanted me to keep track of what i am eating and how i’m feeling. its not as hard as i thought it would be, i just added it to my i-calendar and add an entry every day. it just takes a few minutes and i have a much better idea of what I’m eating and how much alcohol and caffeine i’ve had. I still have follow up appointments but i feel like i dont have some un-named horrible THING lurking in the background any more. Yay for crazy old doctors and their crazy specialist buddies!

this is something i learned from my father. he didnt teach me a lot but what he did give me was pretty important. so many times i know that i am taking the easy way out. procrastinating, letting things slide, taking the first thing that comes along instead of waiting for what is right. it is so much easier to be a leaf on the water and flow along with the stream instead of being a reed that bends with the water but has roots deep enough not to get carried away by it. i want to be a reed. (laugh! god that is massively cheesy) i dont want to continue to run in circles with my life. i want to know myself well enough to be able to deside what is right and act on that knowledge. i have been hurt by others who did the easy thing. they did what felt good at the time without thinking about it. i was the one who got hurt in the process. i don’t want that to happen to me again and i don’t what to be that kind of person either. i think if i could choose a motto for my life this would be it. its pretty difficult to live by but i feel like it should be some kind of ultimate goal. its my rule to live by.

well i took the first step of moving to a francophone city three weeks ago. i started french classes at the Y. my real challenge is studying on my own at home. my classes are only twice a week and i need a lot more practice. i know this is a worthwhile goal for me. i want to find a good job here and eventually i want to travel to other french speaking countries. i’d love to live in france someday. Morocco also has a lot of appeal. i’ve been working on and off half my life to learn french and it just has to happen now. its time.