The problem with not dating or having intimate relations i high school is that you make all the rookie mistake when you’re older and the situations hold more import, gravity and involvement. Teenage relationships are necessarily short-lived, but the same can’t be said the older you get. Since I never really learned to have casual sex, the act is tied up in my brain with love and committed relationship. This actually limits me, putting too much importance on the act itself and tying it too strongly to other aspects of a relationship.
I began addressing this last year. Let me be clear: this is not usually something my personality can do. I can’t easily fathom one-night stands or people who hop from partner to partner. I have no real interest in doing either of those, but I would like to be adult about any situation where there is an intimacy element but which isn’t based on commitment. I found a safe environment and tried that. It has its pros, but the whole setup really didn’t seem for me.
An unexpected contact has turned into a resource for this goal, and I’m paying attention to everything that’s happening, and how we interact. My partner has issues with not wanting commitment, so I’m listening so I can incorporate his requirements into our arrangement, keeping in mind his feelings. It’s quite interesting, and I have to say I’m having fun finding a way to keep things light and enjoy the experience. I hope I can put him more at ease as time goes by.