Ray

I just wanna feel okay again



I'm doing 43 things
 

Ray's Life List

  1. 1. grow wings
    276 entries . 2 cheers
    1,660 people
  2. 2. The Old Grow Wings
    3 entries
    16 people
  3. 3. be an exchange student
    1 entry
    149 people
  4. 4. leave notes in library books
    2 entries . 5 cheers
    591 people
  5. 5. hike the appalachian trail
    1 cheer
    2,102 people
  6. 6. Care less about what people think of me
    2 entries . 3 cheers
    558 people
  7. 7. have clear skin
    1,245 people
  8. 8. make a friend
    1 entry . 5 cheers
    222 people
  9. 9. Become self-confident
    15 people
  10. 10. enhance my abilities
    1 entry
    1 person
  11. 11. get a pen-pal
    1 cheer
    327 people
  12. 12. get better than 20/20 vision
    1 person
  13. 13. learn the constellations
    1 entry
    914 people
  14. 14. write a novel
    2 entries
    11,480 people
  15. 15. be accepted by people
    1 cheer
    1 person
  16. 16. travel the world
    2 cheers
    21,164 people
  17. 17. learn to hack a computer
    1 entry
    14 people
  18. 18. Climb trees all over the world
    1 entry . 2 cheers
    2 people
  19. 19. climb trees really well
    1 cheer
    1 person
  20. 20. be able to live in the wild
    1 cheer
    1 person
  21. 21. play better chess
    1 cheer
    19 people
  22. 22. make a clock
    1 cheer
    19 people
  23. 23. go green
    2 cheers
    386 people
  24. 24. Put in 30 minutes each day to finding love
    2 cheers
    12 people
  25. 25. get enough sleep
    1 entry . 1 cheer
    626 people
  26. 26. Keep a notepad of awesome moments
    4 entries . 2 cheers
    203 people
  27. 27. Eat, drink, learn, or try something new
    116 people
  28. 28. write a haiku every day
    5 entries . 1 cheer
    5 people
  29. 29. learn to count in my head
    1 person
  30. 30. goal for goals
    4 entries
    1 person
  31. 31. reflect daily in a 'one sentence' journal
    69 entries . 1 cheer
    272 people
  32. 32. beat social anxiety
    4 cheers
    485 people
  33. 33. get cornrows
    11 people
  34. 34. stop picking at my skin
    60 people
  35. 35. grow a bonsai tree from seed
    1 entry . 2 cheers
    42 people
  36. 36. live in an earthship
    14 people
  37. 37. Search for the Loch Ness Monster
    1 entry . 1 cheer
    22 people
  38. 38. make a pair of soft-sole leather boots
    1 person
  39. 39. my stuff
    8 entries
    2 people
  40. 40. learn to skateboard
    2 entries
    1,568 people
  41. 41. Ray's venty page for venting about everything
    4 entries
    1 person
  42. 42. Beat my depression
    3 entries . 4 cheers
    1,955 people
  43. 43. The Legit Flock
    10 people

How I did it
How to learn to rock climb
It took me
1 day
It made me
Proud


Recent entries
Beat my depression (read all 3 entries…)
22/1/13

Felt rather angry all day, at one point I was muttering myself “don’t kill anyone”. Am I strong enough to do that? Probably not. But I could hurt people, and I don’t want to do that. Anger for me is often one of the worst times in depression, because it makes me want to take the pain out on someone. I have tried punching pillows, but that has no effect. I would enjoy any suggestions on getting anger out.

But it ended on a bit of a better note,when a person near me mentioned he would do his best to always be there. I have told him only a very little about my situation, so I find this comforting.



Beat my depression (read all 3 entries…)
Untitled

I had a brief few days where I actually felt almost okay. I could interact with people and feel a bit better about myself and my interactions. That feeling left quickly though, and now I feel even more empty.

I think part of the problem is that I may not have enough human contact. For some reason, the thought of my mum and dad hugging me or touching me in anyway makes me shy away. I would love to be closer to some people at my school however. For instance, there are several people whose hugs I cherish.

I also find myself to frequetly believe that people prefer my sister over me. One of the people I see on a daily basis had a love interest in me. After my sister moved to my school, he turned his eye to her. That is totally his right. However, he has stopped replying to my texts and almost always wants to talk about my sister or involve her in what we are doing. Sometimes, okay I can see that. But he considers himself my friend. Should he not also find time to interact with me? I also find that one of the people who’s hugs I treasure tends to hug her, and talk to her, and take more notice of her than me. Of course, this may all be jealousy.

I also find myself wishing for a significant other, but at the same time hoping I never get one, because i wouldnot know how to act, as I have never had one before. Then again, that may be the introvert/shy person in me



get enough sleep
Untitled

well it seems I actually feel better with a bit LESS sleep. About 7 hours usually does pretty well for me. Unfortunetly, my family goes to bed at nine and wants the house quiet



See all entries ...


 

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