Felt rather angry all day, at one point I was muttering myself “don’t kill anyone”. Am I strong enough to do that? Probably not. But I could hurt people, and I don’t want to do that. Anger for me is often one of the worst times in depression, because it makes me want to take the pain out on someone. I have tried punching pillows, but that has no effect. I would enjoy any suggestions on getting anger out.
But it ended on a bit of a better note,when a person near me mentioned he would do his best to always be there. I have told him only a very little about my situation, so I find this comforting.
I had a brief few days where I actually felt almost okay. I could interact with people and feel a bit better about myself and my interactions. That feeling left quickly though, and now I feel even more empty.
I think part of the problem is that I may not have enough human contact. For some reason, the thought of my mum and dad hugging me or touching me in anyway makes me shy away. I would love to be closer to some people at my school however. For instance, there are several people whose hugs I cherish.
I also find myself to frequetly believe that people prefer my sister over me. One of the people I see on a daily basis had a love interest in me. After my sister moved to my school, he turned his eye to her. That is totally his right. However, he has stopped replying to my texts and almost always wants to talk about my sister or involve her in what we are doing. Sometimes, okay I can see that. But he considers himself my friend. Should he not also find time to interact with me? I also find that one of the people who’s hugs I treasure tends to hug her, and talk to her, and take more notice of her than me. Of course, this may all be jealousy.
I also find myself wishing for a significant other, but at the same time hoping I never get one, because i wouldnot know how to act, as I have never had one before. Then again, that may be the introvert/shy person in me
well it seems I actually feel better with a bit LESS sleep. About 7 hours usually does pretty well for me. Unfortunetly, my family goes to bed at nine and wants the house quiet