I'm doing 5 things
july, 20, 08
Ok well i just am in a wierd mood and have to waste some time…
i had an interesting night…..
i went to my friends house for a movie night type thing…. it was ok i guess…. to me i feltlke the party pooper… i was kinda confused about my feelings…. you know…. about the ppl there. it was my bf, a girl that i love, the boy she loves, and a random kid…. the boy that my friend loves is currently dating another girl… and he knows how the girl feels about him…. and he still flirted his ass off!!!!! the girl still shouldn’t have flirted back but he is the one with the gf… then again i’m a huge hippocrate…. (that cant spell)... you see…the girl, she is like my little sister… i loved her for a long time as a sister… but we got close… and maybe i’m just a horny and stupid girl but i got more than sisterly feelings for he.. shes a year younger than me…
When i told my bf that i might be a lesbian he subjested that the girl and i have a night to see… i know that i’m bi but i nolonger… desired guys at all… now it seems so stupid…. i was so stupid.
Well she and i did and it was incredible…i don’t know why… i began having more than just sexual and sisterly feelings… i couldn’t control myself.. i told my bf that i had a “HUGE crush on her” still… he slipped and said to her, “One of your friends just laid a lot of drama on me and i am tired of it!!!” those might not be the exact words but you get the general idea…
As always she got curious and started to bug people about it… missing me… oneday she txted me saying that she told the boy that she liked him… (Damn this sounds so childish… but i guess i am still a child) i was happy for her… but on the inside… i was in so much pain…
Weeks went by and randomly i had to go to a store that is pretty hard to get to and is really awesome, i asked her if she wanted to go with me… she said that she is already going with the guy… she offered to go with me another day but that day she was going to a consert… i was fine with that… it was just a long bus ride…
during that conversation she remembered that she hasn’t asked me yet….
I wasn’t entriely sure what my feelings for her were but i could only say one thing that sumed it up pretty well… (i didn’t say i love you) i said it stupider… “For lack of a better word i think i love you… I’m ganna go hide now…” STUPID!!!! Why couldn’t i just lie!!!!
Now i get invited to a movie night and shes ganna be there… i was happy (btw we aljust found out we have mono…) So my bf and i go together and meet up with them… it was cool… i didn’t know how to act towards her… so i did ACT… i tryed to act normal and everything but that didn’t work.. a few times she walked away from the group and i could help but fallow… it rained ant 1AM and we were all out side and she laid on the asfault and i laid next to he and held her hand… then i realized kindof what was happening… the boy that she likes was doing the exact same thing… i kindof shut down… i went and sat on the drive way and let the rain fall… we all were… but we were doing it diffrently… my bf was running around… i was mopeing… random guy was just laying there… and the other to were tickling each other…
eventually we went inside and started to watch and movie… i was on the couch between the girl and my bf… the dude she likes was on he other side… they began to tickle each other none stop… I was kindof tired of it… (almost literally) so i slept while the movie played… noone but my bf noticed. i woke up alot but fell back asleep once i heard the giggleing.
I woke up at 3Am and couldn’t get back to sleep and the movie had about 30 min left… so i went into the back yard… it was so peacefull.. i could think and listen to my thoughts and think clearly for a moment.. it was bliss.
my bf came out and we talked… he isn’t really good at speaking his emosions so i get pissed at that alot… i know i shouldn’t… but why do you really have to gurrrr every time your mad and hit some thing…. then i want to hit something… but thats besides the point…
we wnt insid end they were still tickling eachother… by this time my emosions are completely turned off…. i said i was going to bed and went to the random guy and asked which room he wanted… guys and girls… girls got the den so i was on my way there when the flirty guy leaves (btw this is his house) my bf instantly tells the girl that she souldn’t be flirting with him… he isn’t that good at speaches eather.
Some how i ended going outside again… this time the girl comes after me and we start to talk. Then my bf comes out and we all pretty much shut up.
In the end the girl and i are in the bed and we can hear my bf and her wanna be guy talking about the same thing…
So i talk to her and tell her basicly what my bf said only nicer… i hope
Something happened and i huged her and moved back to my side of the bed… (emosions gone) but still have to force my self. We talked and she huged me… i had to nuzzle her hair… i couldn’t help it.
Sire enough a cat was traped in the room so i let him out… that was the end of the conversation. i laid thier for a half hour or so and went back into the back yard… i didn’t leave there till 6AM (i couldn’t sleep cuz i could hear my own heart pounding and it as really annoying)i went back to the room and slept.
Next thing i know i here the guys mother come in and say “OH!” i woke up and looked at my phone it was 11.30AM we needed to be out of the house by noon. The girl was awake i told her the time and we both left the room and every one else woke up.
Half hour later the girls father is dropping me off at my apt. She got out of the van and hugged me tightly…. i was happy.
kissed my bf good bye and went home to mother… and 43things.com
