You see. I love my Sebastian. But maybe not as a life partner. Our love will always remain.
He is my best friend.
My soul mate? If they exist I would say no.
Life takes two people on the same path at times, then a fork in the road comes along. It is natural, somewhat sad of course. But you must have faith in life.
I know my partner is out there, one who fits me, who I know is someone who will stand by my side always, who can be the father to my children. When and where I will find him I don’t know. In the meantime I enjoy my friends and family… and carry on with the heartache and joy of friendship and love of those in my life.
Yes, that is right. Freedom from the constraints fear gives me.
I wish I had one single thing (or even a few) concrete reasons as to what changed, but I don’t.
I guess little by little I started to like myself, feel ok with who I was, not fear others stares, thoughts etc.
If I walk outside without make up and bump into people they are AREN’T going to turn nasty and spread rumours about my total hideousness, they AREN’T going to stop being my friend. My skin, my face, that is who I am!! I haven’t changed physically. I have changed mentally and I accept who I am and what I look like!
I am in control of my life. I am not a product of my environment, my environment is a product of me!! Sometimes it really is mind over matter.
You CAN take control, you can live a life without those chains. The chains that lead to depression, anxiety and worse. Have faith, talk to others, you have to WORK at it, and literally shed tears, sweat, frustrations and face those demons inside. But you are MORE POWERUL than all of them.
Finally I sat my theory test! Now on the 14th on March I can sit my Restricted test and drive by myself legally for once!! 8 years later than most. But as the saying goes…better late…..