SANDI20

I want to stop crying, once the waterworks starts i just cant stopm it like a slipply road, and i cant believe everyone saw the tears, im just so fed up and frustrated, and alone. Everything seems to be going wrong in all areas of my life. cant belived i messed up, just look so pathetic and stupid

I know i am only 23, what do i know about the world? I just wish i could meet a man who wud let me be free but who could also help catch me too i fell, id do the same for them. I keep telling all the guys i meet to give me space but they just kill it to the point i cant breathe. Maybe I just meet selfish men, who i think care about me, when all they want is to be happy as can be, despite what i feel or lose. I wonder if all men i meet in the future will be like this…and more importantly whether i WILL ever meet that guy to appease my family but more crucially help set me free, AND keep me free and let me live so that i can truely love the way i know i can

Dear * Im sorry I broke my promise to go today after you helped me out the other day, and this may seem unconvenentional but you should know me by now. I dont like breaking promises especially when I realise I need you more then ever now, especially tomommorow and in the few weeks that are coming.

Im so scared of moving on, Im so scared that I actually have to take this big step and Im so scared- Im petifired I will fail, that I will give up and lose. I scared that I wont belong or make a difference. My life is moving and I just want to cling on to what used to make me, even though it never made me happy then so why will it now?

Holding on to that brought me through my life but I was never happy with it in t he first place, I just analysed why I wasnt happy and the reasons were simple because I was never happy in the first place just flattered because they loved me for me. I settled for second best. Walking to get Rukhi yesterday I realised that I need to accept and believ in myself and be pround and fuck this up by my self, no alchol, no friends no nothing- just make it or break it but do it yourself. Do it yourself coz they won’t pick up the pieces

I really need you these couple of days and I promise next Sunday I will not let you down, or not be too embaressed or afraid of crazy indian people who sit, jump and randomly hug you lol. I really need you to guide me throught this bit of my life but I am unconfident and unsure that I can do this without you holding my hand. After all I think Im still pretty much a little girl.

Forget men at the minute as hard as it is, with all the Irfans and Gary’s who either ‘hold your hand or are good in bed’ lol but concentrate on building on your spiritality, gyming it and having fun. I hope you give me the strength to work hard because I need to build my career and develop it and be world class because I wont settle for less when I know I’m made for this career

Thanks ,gIVE MY love to ***,tell him even thought I didnt like the ring that much at first, anything made that confusing was destined to be mine

I really hope I have made up for what I failed to do today, next week mej jehan bout sona salwar kammeez (pROMise this pubjabi lark will improve too) course man

Good night
Next sunday you’ll understand, I feel it
sandi khush hua ; )