ShabamNV

I know the alphabet in sign language and I sign some with my church.. but I would really love to learn all of it! To be able to speak to some one who is deaf in SL. The main reason i want to learn is because : my grandfather was deaf. I never got to meat him, but we have home videos and his hands are moving all over the place, so fast and I would love to know…that if he had lived that I would be able to communicate with him!

From the beginning my mom has never been there for me or my sister. When I was 2 weeks old she left me with a babysitter for supposebly 2 hours but never came back. Two months later the babysitter took me to my grandparents and they eventually adopted me and my sister. My mom has been a drug addict for 23 years. She never made the said or made an effort to quit. She never calls, never comes around. She doesnt even acknowledge that I’m her daughter. My sister and I ran in to her about 2 years ago and she was with a friend of hers and my mother is like oh.. meet my daughter, Jessica.. never did she even mention me …till my sister said something. (i wasnt hiding I was in clear view!) when I was 8 my mom disappered and we didnt see her for 3 years… she called and said meet me here, so we did and she told us she just got married. She picked drugs and men over her own kids. She tells me every year that she has me a b-day present or a christmas gift but they are never to be seen! At times I think i have moved on, then something happens, or i get another flashback and all those feelings of anger and hatred all come back again. She’s like a cronic disease..always there you just have to live with it! I got to the point to where I told her how i felt . how angry i was and How I didnt like her for the things she’s done but she said nothing. And that just made me madder. That was like 5 years ago. I’ll be 20 years old the 16th of this month and she doesnt even realize that she’s missed 15 years of my life! I told myself I was too good for her and now I spend all my time trying to prove to myself and everyone else that I am better then her. I wont even take pain meds, not even midol because I’m afraid the “addiction” gene is hereditary!

I’ve come to realize in my growing up years that this anger is only hurting myself. I truely believe it doesnt matter to her, wheather it does or not! So with the Lord’s help I want to forgive her..i DONT want a relationship with her, I just want to let her know that in my heart I have forgiven her..But unfortunately i cant do that yet!

I’m currently in my first year to be a nurse. I’m in the LPN program at my college but plan on eventually bridging over to RN. I cant wait to learn all about being a nurse and finally being able to help people!