ShanDeezie

Well, I’m totally collecting all the self-digust I can muster. It’s been three months.. I’m nowhere where I used to be, I now have a plan. However, nothing in my life right now competes with the feeling of being relaxed and care-free sensation of a bottle of wine. I still drink. I planned to get rid of the bottle all together, start a raw food diet, be one with myself, find the love of my life, and everything will be okay. It never was.

I find myself searching for these things..I get frustrated because it’s not happening. I come home from working out..I sit in front of the t.v. and I’m numb. I think, “at least if I had a drink I can feel, I can feel something”. I hate to say it. I hate to think, that my life is more artistic, more thoughtful, with a bottle of wine. I’m told that this is bad, and I feel that this is bad when I wake up in the morning with a crazy hangover. When it comes to 6pm—-I cuddle a bottle of merlot as most of you might your girlfriend, your boyfriend, yourself.

I wish something could compete with this, but it doesn’t.

It’s amazing how much more you can get done in a day when you don’t drink the first five minutes after you get home from work. I actually did some things and didn’t dread the passing of time. I hope I can always do this. I’ve been taking a lot of Vitamin B and Milk Thistle, I heard its supposed to help somewhat. I’m wondering if I will have any physical side effects and like I said, pretty much two years of straight drinking (mainly wine) and now I’m quitting cold turkey. I haven’t noticed being jittery, but maybe that’s to come? In anycase, looking forward to actually being able to sleep tonight. Good luck everyone.

It shouldn’t have had to take me waking up on my floor this morning, not remembering what I had done the night before, to make me want to stop drinking. I’ve been lying to myself for two years that drinking enhanced the quality of my life-when in reality it has taken my life away from me. One glass turns magically into two bottles in a matter of a few hours. Five days a week for two years. How am I still alive? I’m very scared for a future that I may have already destroyed by drinking too much. I’m scared that I will talk myself out of being sober. I’m also tired of the panic attacks that come with the hangovers. Any suggestions as to how you’ve been able to control yourself would be greatly appreciated! It helps to know I’m not alone.