Sharlein

&for some reason i can;t seem to forget you…forget your touch,your scent,your smile,your eyes,your lips,your appearence,your love..but over all most importantly i can;t forget you. you destroyed what was left of me as a human being, you demolished my exsistence,and i forgave you..you know it’s true…what people say?.. that love blinds you from the truth..keeps you away from reality..and once your out of that zone you realise what others saw in him that you didn;t …and now your disspointed..how did you not see this?.. you ask yourself plenty of questions.. and noone seems to be capable of answering any of them…they mention love as this beautiful thing.. the best 4 letter word in the english vocabulary..but they don;t ever mention the heartache,the confusion, the agony that awaits,the remorse,the pain..the never ending suffer….i always thought love was suppose to be beautiful,that once you were inlove this huge bubble surrounded two people who became into one..but no…love should give you the right to protect that person..to let you combine into one..to grow together..or grow apart…to expect the unexpected…to experience life together..and to love eachother unconditionally..to risk your heart being returned to you in critical condition..life requires pain…its something we all go through..but ask yourself who’s worth the pain? who’s worth the risk? ...who’s worth it?... who’s worth giving your heart too…your soul..your figure..your dignity..your love..everything.. everything goes to the risk pile.. your soul might fade..your figure might be disfigured..your heart torn into pieces..and your falling back…maybe even falling to your knees..and who’s there to catch you? at the end your left either with a sad story…or a happy never ending story..where it just becomes a new begining….trust,comfort,love,commitment,honesty,loyalty,faith,hope ..go along way..i want more of your kisses,i wanna hold you forever..feel your lips brush against mine,feel your breath along my skin,listening to your voice for hours,hearing the sound of your heart beat,knowing you love me,knowing you want&need me..knowing this is us against the world..its about trusting that person,loving them with the same amount or more eachday that goes by,pretending like theres not tommorow,&time will speed up..you only have a few hours to let this person know how you truley feel because theres no tommorow..we don’t know what tommorow holds so live for this day..but..alone doesnt’t exsist to me anymore..im not familiar with the word or the definition..once i love you ..i can’t go back..time doesn’t stop now..nor will it ever stop or slow down..life won’t creat a path for me to follow..i won’t take the easy way out..im terrified of looking back on my past.&.the futures a blur to me..but i look beside me and there you are…wakeing up every morning to sound of your voice,your body next to mine, kissing you sweetly for eternity..i know this is real..this is life..complications..knowing i have no map..or directions..im fine with that..ill figure it out.&although i don;t think ill ever forget my past because it’s created me the person i am today..with no ashame,&no regret. i know that i live this day with all that i have in me..setting everything on the table..but on all the well i can’t help but thinking this isn’t the end to a horrible feeling..

i wish my parents could take my seriously.im 15 and i know im still a kid but they think im like 10….i understand their points&i completely agree with alot of the things they say.but what i despise is that i can’t go out late,and i can’t do much..i live in a small town &well theres really no big deal about this shitty place..nothing special…i can;t walk around certain places or my parents get mad,i can’t hangout with certain people because theyr bad infuences [so my parents say]..i can’t choose my boyfriend because they don’t want my heart broken…&alot more…i unedrstand half of those…i know theyr parents and i get that they need to protect me or whatever..but i just wish they could trust me more&let me have alittle more freedom..i don’t ask for much at all…you see…the other day they told me i could do basically anything as long as i asked them&told them where i was..&everything..so i took their advice..this morning i asked if i could hangout with my 19 year old friend..&they said no.! i told them exactly where we were going [the mall] & what time i would be home [7p.m] & i told them that they could meet the kid..but guess what?..thats not even good enough!.god this is difficult..i don’t get that..i try to make them understand&i tell them everything so that they can trust me more..but everytime i wana go somwere they dont even consider it.it pisses me off…i jus don;t know what to do …so if anyone has an idea on what i should do please message me at sharlein7@yahoo.com…thnkxsz.:]

he always tOld me he wOuld be ther&simply i believed him.i despise the fact of me believing you.i simply cant forqiv myself for destroyinq u but i wont blame myself completely.your the one who demolished my exsistence.&my love for life itself.]
My mind is unbearably clear_sharpened by the fierce pain.and i saw the the answer almost as soon as i could form the question.i keep my mouth shut because i know that every scream that escapes my lips torments my surroundings.if i cant scream how do i tell them to kill me? to crush the whole of my exsistence.it’s already cracked one more stran,a lock of life ,cut into one piece would finish me… all i want is to die,to have never been born.the whole of my exsistence does not outweigh this pain.it isnt worth livinq throuqh it for one more heartbeat. let me die.let me die.let me die.and for a never endinq space___that was all ther was..just torture..and my soundless shrieks,pleadinq for death to come..nothinq else not even time…so that made it infinite..with no beqininq&no end.one infinite moment of pain.i sit here day throuqh niqht dyinq.i know beyonq all doubt if i unlock wat i truly feel i would loose it.i would shriek,screetch,writh&thrash.the pain would become endless.tears would be shed for infinite and [my life would plead for death.]im beqininq to think that this is how life should be for me..im not quite sure how love feels anymore…or how happiness effects my outlook on life..ever since yu walked out of my life im miserable..im dyinq slowly…i cant look into the eyes that once had an emotion_and looked at me like i was the worlds most cherrished person…like i was everythinq yu ever wanted…like i was the sun that made yur day…&when you looked at me you would smile endlessly..&now im here in desperation for your touch…in a nightmare that i despise..&this feelinq is eatinq at me alive..i want to end this pain..but how do i do so..wen i want to live for you..?even when your not by my side..
iv had my ups&downs just like everybody else.iv done my stupid shit in dha past,iv fkucked up in life plenty of times,i havnt learned from eevry mistake,im not the worlds nicest person,i can be a big bitch if i choose to be,i do think i have no future.i see no future for me. my past-a memory that horrifies me.my present-none exsisitinq,and my future-a big blur. ya its true…i have fkucked up everythinq i ever had in life,iv judged people way before even meeting them,i know iv disspointed plenty of people,i trust noone &fear noone but life. i will admit that life completely terrifys me. i try to follow paths that i cant even over come. iv become weak as a person lately…i feel vulnerable,lonely,and dead…i have been inlove&i still am&im trying to get over it,...but its simply not workinq….it feels like im in a nightmare that i simply can’t wake up out of….an obstacle that i can;t overcome…and a dead end…iv lost my self esteem over this…and my respect for others….the only thing that hasn’t been taken away from me is my diginity…&im not sure how long it is before i loose it…iv cryed endlessly through nights….i havnt really smiled in months…i havn’t been al that happy at all acually…& im simply sick of feelinq this way…i absolutely despise feeling like im nothinq,...so from noww…im picking up my shit..im qettinq up..im puttinq one step ahead of me&im not lookinq back,. my past is simply my past& dispointingly i can’t do anythinq now..i can’t change my past but i can definitly change my future…im actinq brand new&noones stoppinq me.