ShellB

I learned I dont have a brown thumb and the flowers are always great to see in the spring after a long winter !

I said what I had to say , I guess some couldnt accept it , They have a version of me in my head that fits , they dont like change . I think for the first time I was trying to be honest . Everyone tells me be honest , be truthful stop hiding , honesty is the best policy . I was honest and the same people who told me to be honest left me . lol Ironic isnt it ! People put on their holier then thou mask and give you advice , and then when you take it , they dont like it ! The werid thing is I dont try to make anyone , anything other then what they are . People tell me thats what they love about me my acceptence . Where is mine ?:(

Ive learned that I really do need to respect myself more , not only that but to love myself and know myself more . I wondered why I always felt so eager to please when Im really not the type of person who is needy ! I really love my alone time . I finally realized that I have a * savior * complex ! I really want to FIX peoples problems . I feel its My job to make that person feel completely at ease with me and that I will accept them no matter what ! All good in theory I know ! But when the time comes to get that same feeling back , its not working for me , Okay so Im not anyones savior , Im a humanbeing just like them and I need some thing BACK ! I need respect , love and loyalty , and it really hurts me to let go of some people in my life who have been taking and not giving , cause I really love them but Im getting worn out and depresssed . I need refueling and theres nobody there to * save me * lol. This is when I realized that its really scary to let people know you are human and have needs because sometimes they see you in one role only . I let someone know my needs , a friend I trusted and loved and well I cant even get ten percent back of what Ive given over the years . Its really scary to have opened myself up and let them know , how scared I was , How I needed them to give just a little, Its even scarier to realize they cant or wont give it back , And the thing is they want it to be the same relationship it was before , Its scary to me to say it cant be that way anymore , but I did it and Im proud of myself for doing it . It just really hurts .