I'm doing 41 things
I am exhausted. I am in love with someone and he says he isn’t ready yet he did show all signs of interest. He is in another country. He was here in my country as a visitor. I have been in deep pain and I am very confused and conflicted. I dont know if I am supposed to be patient with him or let him go. I really, really feel a strong connection with him and wanted him to be the one. Is he fearing something or not in love with me? I can’t decide because he is a very inexpressive guy. It makes me go crazy—his silence. I don’t even feel like looking. All guys disappoint me. I actually feel there is no one left to click completely with. It’s the worst feeling to be craving someone special and to spend your life alone. I just hope it happens soon. I am weighed down by emptiness.
Shielah's Life List
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1. Go to art school
1 entry . 4 cheers258 people -
2. adopt a child
1 entry . 5 cheers1,232 people -
3. get a dog
3 entries . 11 cheers3,189 people -
4. find my soulmate.....
1 entry . 3 cheers2,755 people -
5. Become a Big Sister/Mentor
1 entry . 3 cheers16 people -
6. Read, read, read
1 entry . 5 cheers36 people -
7. Sharpen my intuitive abilities
1 entry . 5 cheers1 person -
8. Make new friends in my city
2 cheers1 person -
9. Pass my Comprehensive Exams and graduate with my Masters degree
2 cheers1 person -
10. Deal with conflicts, gracefully
5 cheers19 people -
11. Gain weight (5lbs for starters)
1 entry . 1 cheer3 people -
12. Design clothes
1 entry818 people -
13. Start blogging
1 entry92 people -
14. Watch all the good movies I have missed
1 entry1 person -
15. Visit India
1 entry . 1 cheer762 people -
16. Try to learn design software on my own
1 entry1 person -
17. Start selling stuff on Ebay
1 entry . 1 cheer42 people -
18. expand my music collection
108 people -
19. Become less self-conscious
1 entry . 1 cheer61 people -
20. enjoy life more
1 entry . 3 cheers212 people -
21. Become less sensitive
1 entry18 people -
22. Make a lovely painting for my living room
1 entry1 person -
23. Get out of my Comfort Zone
1 cheer48 people -
24. go camping
1 entry . 1 cheer2,073 people -
25. Strength train on a regular basis
1 person -
26. Worry less, stress less
1 entry31 people -
27. Eat more fruits and veggies
4 cheers109 people -
28. drink more water
1 cheer16,025 people -
29. Fill every idea/sketch book I own
196 people -
30. declutter my life
2 cheers420 people -
31. Take more pictures
1 cheer12,422 people -
32. Meet Abhishek Bachchan =)(Actor)
2 entries . 1 cheer2 people -
33. sleep better
684 people -
34. Learn to cook a few dishes really well
1 cheer1 person -
35. Knit a scarf
2 entries440 people -
36. color my hair
112 people -
37. Go River-rafting one day
1 person -
38. Learn to be an active listener
1 cheer1 person -
39. Learn ballroom dancing
2 cheers326 people -
40. Be myself
1 entry1,519 people -
41. Plant some greens
1 entry . 1 cheer1 person
Today I finally got a call with a Match! I had been waiting for this since soo long. She is a 12 year old and I was told she is very close to her family, and makes great grades in school and has no behavior problems. I have not met with her yet. But I am filled with certain thoughts. I was wanting to connect with a child who was much younger, maladjusted, or needed help in someway, so I can get a chance guiding them. Apparently, my match wants a Big Sis just to go out and have fun. Can someone throw some light on whether this is the “purpose” of being a Big? I wanted to “make a difference” and although I am very excited, I don’t believe this is going to be a “challenge” to me in anyway, if you know what I mean?
I want to just Be Myself. I want to be able to have the confidence to say “no”, instead of “yes”, without affecting relationships. I want to be comfortable in my own skin. I want to relax and not feel rushed because of people around me. I don’t want to think that people are judging me because more than likely, they are not! It’s just in my own imagination. I want to let go of any self-sabotaging thoughts and think that by Being Myself, I am not only being true to myself, but to others as well. That will be an “authentic” life.
