Shuttermagic

Think I’ve found a path that I believe can truly get me there and keep me there. I’m going to study buddism. The gest is you drop attachment of happiness towards material things and you can live in content all the time.

If you observe the past you can see time and time again finally getting something you thought would make you happy only to find it doesn’t last. The way of Buddha seems to be held with my own belief system as a way to obtain forever contentment.

I’m not a materialistic person at all, never have been. Sure I have desires and wants but I think the key will be finding contentment from within and not placing my happiness in the control of those “things”.

I’ve been interested in photography as long as I can remember. I had cameras way back into the 110 film days. LOL I always took pictures on trips, vacations at home of my animals growing up etc. In high school I would have loved to take photography but my mother could not afford it. Once I had my own income from a job I had not time. I still loved taking pictures and bought a film(point and shoot) camera that I had lots of fun with taking pictures of my adorable kitten. Time passed and I had my daughter and became instantly obsessed with learning all I could to get better pictures. :) I drooled and drooled over getting a digital SLR for a couple years. Finally got one in March 2008 and have been learning a TON. I have improved a lot(i think and have been told) but know there is always something to learn.

I’m going to start researching business aspects while I’m continuing to reel in the basics to a consistency of quality. But can’t wait to get tips and ideas here.

Oh and my tools so far are just a Nikon D80 with a 50mm f/1.8. I also have the kit but honestly its only been on about 4-5 times. hehe I’m looking and hoping to get a 85mm and a 35mm at tax time but I desperately need a new computer first so see how that goes then gonna buy some new “toys” And recently have been trying out my dads flash unit and bouncing it off the ceiling to work on that. He has and old Minolta film body with a macro lens that I just have to get some film and play with. EEk Never shot SLR film before.

We met and I liked him and felt a connection almost immediately but no physical attraction really. It took a couple months for me to see him in a different light. With months of time slowly unfolding whatever it was that was pulling me to him I caved with much deliberation I initiated contact outside of work. Worked and we quickly became involved in a quick bonding experience and both were sharing that we thought we could be each others soul mates.

For 3 short months it was heaven. And well you all know how it goes but its so hard to understand because we were happy and normal until 2 things happened and then bam he was nearly silent not that affectionate. I knew because I’m just intuitive I guess but then anger grew as he wouldn’t tell me what was wrong. Finally I found out and the answers he gave me I calmed but never did understand, probably never will. But I did confront him as we text daily STILL so you can imagine how hard that is, I’m sure. I’ve said and done things I should have really but I’m just trying to move on or at least appear to have and see. Ideally I’d rather not get over him but even if some miracle occurred it will not be the same and I need to get over what has happened regardless or it would only cause more issues.

Any help would be great. It’s been a month and I still cry at an instant about little things. Its much better but still there.