SingleMomLonelyHeart

I wonder what you look like. I wonder how you’ve changed. It’s been over a year and your father is still keeping you away.

I have a lawyer now. He can’t do this forever. I guess thats the only thing that keeps me hopeful.

Did you know he was supposed to drop you off tonight? Probably not. I waited for two hours with your sister and brother. I was crushed. I had prayed so hard he’d finally listen to the lawyers. I’d hoped so hard to finally see you again. I just love you and miss you so much.

Mommy will never stop fighting for you. I swear.

When we first moved in here there was no grass at all in front of my apartment. I got some grass seed and put it down. I watered the empty lot daily and added more seeds every few weeks. Finally little bits of grass began to emerge. I was so happy. It looked so much better. I got pots and planted flowers. Everynight I’d sit outside and watch the sprinkler twirling water on the grass. It was the most peace I’d felt here. It was so nice to have a yard. It made me realize how much I missed that little bit of normalacy. Sometimes I’d dream of the day I could have a real garden again…..Flowers and veggies. My neighbor took a wrench and broke the water spout off. I can’t water now. The grass is slowly dying and turning brown.

Everytime I think I am finally going to land on my feet something happens and we are back on square one again. I hate this place so bad. My dream of getting out of here seams so far away.

My biggest obstacle is getting my childrens dads to pay thier childsupport so I can afford childcare so I can work fulltime. I really desperately want that. I’m getting no where with the childsupport office though.

I wish I had friends or family to help sometimes. Its so overwhelming at times to know that I’m in this alone.