SmartGirl121

So for as long as I can remember I didn’t want to sleep on purpose or nap because I didn’t want to “sleep my life away” when there were so many other great things to do with my spare time. I never understood those people who sleep as long as possible on Sunday morning. Typically it makes me feel worse and more sluggish when I get too much sleep. Well…..

Yesterday I went to bed at 9:30 pm. Yep, 9:30 pm. And I told myself it was okay. I need rest sometimes and I no longer feel as if it’s a waste of time. Am I a waste? Is my health a waste of time? Does feeling better waste my time. No. Then why feel guilty that the dishwasher isn’t unloaded? I’m done with feeling that way and starting to enjoy my life and that will include more naps and going to bed early when the feeling hits me.

Given the sadness I’ve felt since my mom passed away in 2004, this is something that felt very evasive to me. I wasn’t sure I would ever be happy the same way again.

I can say that getting my dog added some tremendous value and warmth to my life. He is my wonderful baby beagle – Jasper – and I love him so much. He makes me smile and laugh the way I figure that my children will when they’re at that age when they are learning new things and surprise you with their actions.

Now, my patience has improved (after my dog has chewed holes in every comforter I own and my very favorite sweatshirt material blanket) and there is little that rattles me the way it used to.

I am making plans for my future and valuing the improvements I’m making. This is new for me. I didn’t used to feel the satisfaction of accomplishing something before looking for the next hill to climb. Now I bask in the accomplishment of achievements – like recently moving into a condo. It’s more “homey” than the apartments that I’ve been living in for years and even though I’m still renting I have been given the green light to “make it my own” and I cherish that.

So my life is much happier lately, but the most important part is that my capacity for happiness has increased in a way I didn’t think possible just a few short months ago.

(Some very wonderful people came into my life when I needed it most and gave me hope for a brighter future too.)

So I started running. And let me say that I don’t run. Really. Not at all – not one little bit. And I started and on my second time out ran almost 3 miles! I was astonished. The only thing I can attribute it to was the tremendous amount of stamina I must have built up when I moved last weekend. I had to carry things in and out of the apartment down stairs and up stairs for 12+ hours. And of course the 25 pound weight loss recently helped tremendously too.

I can say I feel wonderful and plan to run 3 days a week with a co-worker. We are signing up for a 5K in the spring.

I am so very happy and this is one very unlikely goal for myself – one I would never have imagined I would reach.

I feel the best I ever have and the most in shape I’ve ever been. Confidence is through the ceiling as well!

Just go for it!